.::a Retreat::.

Year of St. Paul, Valentine's Day Eve, and Doraemon Valentine's Greetings

2009-02-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

To commemorate The Year of St. Paul, Singaporean Catholics sign the Pledge to read at least one book of St. Paul during this St. Paul year. This Pledge Book will be presented to the Vatican at the end of the Pauline Year. Another great thing to celebrate the Pauline Jubilee year came from a Singaporean nun who sings and produces the album "His Grace is Sufficient". Sister Wendy Ooi, fsp, who is now serving in Kenya, in an interview with Catholic News, said that the CD is made by The Daughters of St. Paul to create greater awareness of life and writings of St. Paul.

Sample of songs can be found in here.

Back to the book of St. Paul, it's include: Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon, Thessalonians, Timothy and Titus. I myself love the Corinthians the most :)

The reason why I love Corinthians is not because the meaningful passage about Love in its contents, but more to its easy understanding and application to our daily life. The first book of Corinthians (there are two books) covers about Church Divisions and Denominations, Marriage and Sexual Morality, Christians Rights and Responsibilities, Worship, Spiritual Gifts, and The Resurrection of Christ and of Believers. While the second book covers more to St. Paul's experiences during his time as an Apostle.

I may not the right person to explain about these two wonderful books, but as tonight is the eve of Valentine's Day, I'd like to quote the famous words taken from 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or conceited or proud.
Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up.
Love is eternal...

~~~000~~~

I don't have any plans for tomorrow evening, I would probably just go around Orchard or Clarke Quay with my friends. Eventhough the Valentine's Day will only start this midnight at 12AM but I've seen many couples holding flowers bouquet in every single corner of Singapore this afternoon! Gosh... what will they bring for tomorrow then? Another bouquet?

I knowwwww...

I'm sorry I'm jealous -.-

But at least I'm honest about that.

Anyway, I've got this cute V-Day greetings from one of my contacts in Yahoo Messenger, it says: Don't love like Nobita who cries a lot and give up very easily, or like Giant (Takeshi) who is full of anger and emotional, or Suneo who is so proud of himself, or Shizuka who is weak and mellow, but love like Doraemon who is always ready to help, have lots of understanding, and full of surprises and magical things... Happy Valentine's Day.

Haha. I laughed out loud when I got the message in my blackberry phone. Everybody who watch this cartoon series must understand the meaning of this message. This is the cutest Valentine's Day greetings I've got so far and I think the person who came up with the idea is a genius. Really.

Love indeed is full of surprises. Just like Doraemon and his magical pocket.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Welcome Back, Audia...

2009-02-03T07:53:00.000-08:00

You saw me crying in the chapel
The tears I shed were tears of joy
I know the meaning of contentment
Now I am happy with the Lord

I am here again... attending Sunday mass in this lovely church. A warm and friendly church that has the most beautiful band and funny priest. The place that I always come for praying after work, the place where I can just sit and talk to God, the place that I can take the holy water home.

Just a plain and simple chapel
Where humble people go to pray
I pray the Lord that I'll grow stronger
As I live from day to day

I've searched and I've searched
But I couldn't find
No way on earth
To gain peace of mind

When I was on the plane this morning, my only intention after arriving in Singapore is to be in the 12pm mass in Sacred Heart Church. So after I cleared immigration, I rushed to the taxi stand and straight away to the place where I'm going to stay for the next 15 days. I put my luggages in the room, settled the things with the owner, and took bus to the church.

I met my two friends (who also a regular in Sacred Heart church) in the Dhoby Ghaut station, and walked there.

Now I'm happy in the chapel
Where people are of one accord
We gather in the chapel
Just to sing and praise the Lord

As usual, this midday mass was packed with people. This is the time of the day when the Eucharist is celebrated with lively choir and band. And everybody can't wait to sing and have a good time in the church together!

Ev'ry sinner looks for something
That will put his heart at ease
There is only one true answer
He must get down on his knees

Meet your neighbor in the chapel
Join with him in tears of joy
You'll know the meaning of contentment
Then you'll be happy with the Lord

I dipped my finger to the holy water, made a cross sign, took the right side row, kneeled and prayed. I cried...

You'll search and you'll search
But you'll never find
No way on earth
To gain peace of mind

And I still can't stop tearing one until the end of the mass...

Take your troubles to the chapel
Get down on your knees and pray
Your burdens will be lighter
And you'll surely find the way

I love coming back to this church, and I'll keep coming back...
As I wiped the tears down in my face, I slightly heard my friend saying: "Welcome Back, Audia".

2009 Resolution

2009-01-03T06:04:00.000-08:00

As I got sick for a quite some time, I came up with the New Year Resolution of being healthy. I don't have my usual long-list New Year resolutions, I don't even have anything cross in my mind this time, I only have one thing. And that is being healthy. Living a healthy life.

I realize that living healthy is not that simple, assuming that I can control and manage my food-consuming or probably being a vegetarian but what if I can't control and manage my stress? What if I am a stress-free person but I eat junk food and those with fats every single day? All would be useless.

I read somewhere that if we can control stress (mental, emotion, physically), eliminate toxins (pollution, chemical products, etc), and provide a good nutrition into our body, we can live a healthier, happier and longer life! Who doesn't want to live longer, happier and healthier? None I guess.

So basically there are three things as a key to live a better life: Stress-Free, Eliminate Toxins, and Good Nutrition.

It seems hard to balance those three things together. I can't even balance between my two boyfriends ~.~

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HAHAHAHAHA! (I'm sure some of you are shocked).

Anyway, I will surely try to keep my 2009 resolution alive as the most important thing is to let everything in God's safe hands. So help me God...

Go healthy life!

New Year 2009's Mass

2009-01-01T09:06:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year 2009 everybody!!!

I'm now in Bandung! ~Yay! I finally can go to Bandung and had a New Year's mass in Gereja Kemuning (Kemuning Church). I still feel a bit unwell tho'. But I forced myself to go and have a good time here. Bandung is the nearest big city from Jakarta, widely known as Paris van Java, it has become a shopping destination since the emerging of Factory Outlets in every single corner of this lovely city. My grandmother had been living in Bandung before she got stroke and moved to Jakarta. As far as I remember, I grew up between two cities; Jakarta and Bandung. I always liked Bandung even before the mushrooming of FO (Factory Outlets); I love the food, the street snacks, the surrounding, the cool weather at night, the traditional market... I love Bandung to pieces.

I have so many wonderful memories in Kemuning church, starting when I was a little baby... I got baptized in this church and when I was a kid until about 16 years old I had never failed to accompany my oma (Dutch word for grandmother) to church everytime I went to Bandung for a holiday. I always remember we used to sit in the front row and before the mass began my oma had always prepared the money for collection. There was always a temporary snack bazaar outside the church after the mass, and buying some snacks after the church was like somekind of reward for me for being a nice girl in the church.

When I was a little, I pictured Kemuning Church as an old and huge church with high ceiling but when I went there this morning I found out that it was rather small comparing to my parish church in Jakarta or any church that I've had visited so far. But still, the warm feeling was there, the cloud of memories flew over my head, and eventho' my nose can't stop running... I still can recall everything, and it seemed oma was still around.

I lit the candle for my oma after the mass, I prayed for her soul that God would take her to heaven and live together forever with Jesus and all the saints. I also lit some candles for my family and myself.

As I drove along the Kemuning road and went back to the house that I stayed in, I was thinking of my life and realized; everything that I have achieved so far... living abroad, traveling all over the world, and my further study... was all my prayer since I was a little girl where I kneeled down and prayed during the mass with my oma in Kemuning church.

Have a wonderful and abundant New Year, everybody... Be thankful as the Grace of God will always be with us through all the year.

With love,

Audia

Christmas Intermezzo

2008-12-25T16:50:00.000-08:00

I bought this piece of clothing with long and winding consideration. It's not only for its price (which I found a bit steep for just a piece of blouse) but also for the design of which showing a low neck line (I never had any tops with that low neck line...). And it's like a tradition for myself to buy a new piece of clothing for Christmas mass and I thought this year I deserved something a bit pricey. So I finally decided to buy it.

The process of buying this tops wasn't really smooth either, I had to check on some stores for the availability as not all stores carry all sizes.

Honestly saying, this one is my most expensive tops so far and I was so glad I have it and had planned to wear it on Christmas eve mass.

But that was before I got sick.

When the eve finally came, I really had no intentions of wearing it. I got headache all over my head, dizzy, itchy throat, and my nose can't stop running. It's impossible to wear such a thing with my condition. I didn't even put much effort on my make-up as usual. All I knew was I had to attend the mass, that's all. I didn't care of my clothing... so I ended up wearing the blouse that I bought for my 2005 Christmas eve mass. -.-
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When I went to sleep after the mass, I was thinking of this life; my life... my expensive blouse(which still bnwt - brand new with tag), my tradition of having a new cloth every Christmas, my influenza that keeps me feeling as if I'm carrying heavy load in my head, the upcoming New Year, and lots more.

Then I remember this: "Luxury, something you don't really need and can't do without. (Anonymous).

Maybe I don't really need that blouse, maybe I shouldn't spend that much... maybe...

-o0o-

Update 10 January 2009:
I finally got the chance to wear the blouse! Wore it to Pacific Place, on a get-together weekend with friends. Love it, love my 2008 Christmas tops ~.~

I am home for Christmas... Happy X'mas All!

2008-12-24T23:30:00.000-08:00

I got sick since three days ago. I wasn't hospitalized or anything bad, I didn't even go to the doctor since I thought I can get recovered soon after I had enough sleep. Tho' I wasn't completely wrong as I'm still feeling dizzy even when I attended my Christmas' eve mass in my parish but at least I still can go to church with my parents. My last Christmas' eve mass in this parish was like five or six years ago, most of the times I was in Singapore and last year we were all together in Shanghai. I was actually thinking of celebrating Christmas in Bandung with my friends and colleagues but it seemed God had another plan. Hehehehe. I have to be at home.

Christmas is always a wonderful time for my family... it is the time of the year when we all gather together and have some fun. We use to have vacation every Christmas, and maybe this year is the very first Christmas when we just go to church and stay at home. It wasn't because I'm sick or not feeling well but my mother still has to work the next day - she can't get day off this X'mas, and also my brother is running his newly-built restaurant in Puncak this holiday season. So this year is a bit different. The most important thing Christmas is the time for us to be in the comfort of our own home and grateful for what God has given us.

I might be feeling unwell but I do enjoy myself this Christmas holiday... I love this staying home Christmas... I love watching my mother preparing cookies in the jar... I love the way my father cleaning-up the house to welcome the coming of baby Jesus... I love listening to Christmas songs from our sound system... I love having my family around... I love every precious moments with them... and of course I love sending and receiving Christmas greeting text from my new Bold... *big grin*...

Thanks for this wonderful gift, God... I know You've been sending me amazing gifts not only on Christmas time but also every time of the year... Ever since I got back from Singapore, all I can see is Your super-incredible love to me... Thanks for this Christmas... Thanks for sending me home this time of the year...

♪♪♪ I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams ♪♪♪

I am now at home...

Dining together in a big table with my family, sleeping in my very own bed with the hotel-like sheet and duvet, reading and relaxing in the most comfortable couch, counting the fish in the koi pond, laughing out loud with my parents, chatting all night long with my brother...

There is no place like home...

Thank God for my family who makes a home is truly a home.

It's all in the family.

"Have a joyful Christmas, everybody! Let us welcome our new life as we welcome
the coming of baby Jesus in the manger. God bless..."

I welcome myself...

2008-12-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

...home.

I'm writing this in Changi Airport waiting for my Lufthansa flight back to Jakarta. I always thought that I had never be ready for this day... the day I have to leave Singapore for good. Residing for three years in this tiny island, some frequent business visits since six years ago, and family vacation since more than a decade ago; I've been enjoying myself too much. So much that now I know what I really really want. 'Tho I finally decided to suspend my study in Theology from February intake to July, that doesn't mean I have no more feeling on going that way... believe me, my energy of serving God and the church has become even greater than before. But I know that deep down in my heart, I probably not ready for doing this very soon. I don't want to start this wonderful journey with my wounded heart... I have to cure myself... I have to purify myself... Therefore I have decided to resign from my job (and this time is for real...) this New Year and start to look for something beyond it. Be it a volunteer job, social work or just attending weekday masses... I just want to do what I want to do. I will still in charge for some important matters at work, but my routine won't be the same anymore. I will also travel again to Singapore couple of times for business trips but that's only for supervising some jobs. So I think next year would be less stress for me. And more time for God as well.

All I can say is that I'm sad to leave Singapore, but in the meantime I'm also looking forward for my moving to Melbourne... and in between of that, I just put my hope in God and let God have a special room in my life for Him to surprise me.

I'm glad I'm coming back home.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2008-12-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

...on First of December.

I went around again in Orchard Rd after work. It's a manic monday night so the road wasn't that packed, but my eyes were packed with tears... I'm counting my days to leave this sweet Christmas season in Singapore. Only days to go...

...Oh God, am I doing the right thing?...

♫It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev'rywhere you go;
Take a look in the five-and-ten, glistening once again
With candy canes and silver lanes aglow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Toys in ev'ry store,
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
On your own front door. ♪

...Oh God, what should I do?...

♫♪It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev'rywhere you go;
There's a tree in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well,
The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow.♫♪

I wiped the corner my eyes and kept walking... as I turned off my MP3 player and hurried to catch the approaching bus, I promised to myself to stand still and be strong... It's an Advent time and I should be joyful to prepare for the coming of baby Jesus on Christmas day! Yay~ Let's be happy!

♪It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
Soon the bells will start,
And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart.♪♫♫♪♪♪

My Journey to South: Friday-Nite Episode

2008-11-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this while sitting in the Coffeebean - Wheelock Place alone, solo and solitary. I didn't call my friends for a friday-nite hang out as usual and neither I joined my colleagues for an all-you-can-eat dinner in Carnivore. All I wanted is to be by myself - in a hustle and bustle of Orchard Road in weekend night.

I arrived at Tangs Department Store around 7.30pm, people were everywhere... there was a Latino street-band in front of the mall... lovely. I always love street performances, anykind. I even love the blind singer cum keyboardist in the pedestrian tunnel from Yishun MRT to the bus interchange, most of the times he sings and plays nice songs.

I didn't go inside Tangs but took the underground to Wisma Atria. I finally can snap the picture of the blinking bible verse from there. Wisma Atria is on the opposite site of Tangs and adjacent to Takashimaya. The picture quality is not really good... this weakness of my compact camera has become more irritating... (*am thinking to invest a DSLR... hmmm, probably later :D).

I went inside Takashimaya and to the Christmas Bazaar in B2, wow, so many yuletide things there, all on sale! Crosses with bible verses, nativity figurines, cards, Gospel and Classical Xmas CDs, plastic Christmas trees in many colors, and many more. All are considerably cheap! I love Christmas Bazaar...

I did some quick shopping in the fair and went to the food court in the same level for the dinner. It's weird to dine-in alone but I ate my Thai food quickly and left. Next stop was the Calvin Klein sale in Studio 04, Takashimaya level 4. Bought nothing there. I also went to the Burberry sale on level 2, all mostly on sale at 30% off. My black tote bag which I bought as a Christmas present for myself on 2006 is now on sale... finally... after two years... (*was tempted to buy another color as it has white and beige as well... but I promised to God to spend wisely ^.^ ).

I went down to the street level and crossed over to Paragon. I kept walking and went to Lucky Plaza to buy Empal Penyet for tomorrow's breakfast... am so lazy to cook this nowadays.

Ayam Penyet Ria was still full of diners, even more were coming-in. That was almost 10pm and it's only minutes to their closing time. I wonder how much they generate each day...

I passed over Tangs again and the final stop is this cuppa place. Because of its strategic location, this open air coffee-joint is always packed, but I'm all alone so it's easier to get a table. I got a seat in a perfect table with a perfect view! I'm so lucky! I can see the giant screet of Shaw/Isetan Shopping Centre showing various advertisement and movie trailers, I can see the Christmas light-ups in Orchard and Scotts Road, I can watch people walking and cars jamming. I even spot some girls are having a party with one of them wearing a bride-veil taking pictures next to the singing Christmas tree (I assume they are doing the hen party... probably... not so sure... but looks like it).

I love alfresco cafes. Like this one, or many others along the stroll of Orchard Road. I'm sure I'm gonna miss this and I'm glad I decided to go by myself tonight. It's only 5 days to the hand-over of my apartment and 9 days to leave Singapore for good... and I'm gonna enjoy every bits and pieces of it!

It's 11.15pm and my large peppermint vanilla ice blended is almost finished, I'm ready to go back home. I packed my things and crossed to the Orchard MRT Station, as I looked once again to the that blinking bible verse in Tangs; ...I know that with God all things are possible... and I shall not worry about tomorrow, the day after, next week, next month, next year... for my life has always been safely kept in His palm.... Amen.

The world can be on crisis and the newspapers are spreading only the negative articles, but that doesn't mean my faith is also on crisis and I can't spread the good news. It depends on us how we deal with it. I just want to deal on everything together with God... as with Him all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26

2008-11-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

"... for God all things are possible"

I was on the way to Plaza Singapura when I saw the blinking lights in Tangs Department Store as a part of Christmas Light-Up season in Singapore. Unlike any other light-ups or Christmas decorations, this one is very rare and I had never seen anywhere like this before. This blinking lights showing a good news from Matthew 19:26! A mall quoting bible verse? *wow*

Wow! W-o-w.

I was still amazed with Tangs and its blinking bible verse when finally I reached Plaza Singapura to meet my friends. As I climbed the elevator to the food court on level 5, I felt like God spoke to me through that blinking lights.

...for I only have small faith that those giant yellowish-goldy bible-verse Christmas light-up has to blink in front of my very eyes so that I worry no more.

*The photo will be posted later ^.^

My Journey to South: Episode 3

2008-11-18T21:48:00.000-08:00

A friend asked me about my discernment earlier and as this friend is an important friend - sort of, the question has became a part of my thinking lately...

What is my discernment? Is this the right thing to do? Is Theology truly my thing? What am I gonna do after that? Will I be the same person when I return? Will I be survive?

Those questions have been flying over my head again and again, circling around like a fainted cartoon character (*with those stars around the head, remember?), repeatedly on and on as if I mistakenly push the song-repeat button in my winamp. I wish I can easily push the stop button to make those questions stop singing in my ear.

... and in addition to the persistent questions for my discernment, my empty feeling this nowadays has added the cloud in my head even thicker.

I have no idea what to do!... And I hate it when I'm feeling like that!

Somehow I think I'm losing my hope and reasons for doing this. But I don't want to give up Theology, I know and realize that this is what I want... but I just don't have any endurance for this hardship of mine.

I feel empty. And stuck.

"Well then, if you say that you don't want to give it up (*Theology) it actually means you still hold on to God as your One and Only hope..." suddenly a nice voice whispering in my ear. "You just have to stand firm and have faith..."

Have faith...

That is probably something that I'm lacking off lately, my faith, which has hidden at the very bottom of my heart and therefore leads me easily into an empty feeling and a saga of losing hope and reasons for my intentions. Nah!

Gotta have my faith back, and put up in the surface of my heart... For God still wait for me exactly there while I travel around to every corner*.

*I always love the quote of 'There is always something better waiting around the corner', and I put my search around the corner ever since. Just recently I got the answer that the One who keep waiting for me in the corner is actually God Himself... I've mistakenly thought of some particular persons who might be waiting for me... but I was wrong. God has waited for me to answer His call...

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2008-11-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

I know this post is out of the topic, but I do love the idea of writing thoughts and plans in the blog and share with readers out there. I found this accidentally by browsing some blogs about Catholic Women and after reading some of them I found that the creator of The Simple Woman's Daybook is Peggy Hostetler who wrote these two blogs: here and here.

The Simple Woman's Daybook should be posted every Monday so it's one day late for me, but better late than never. So here goes mine:

For Today, Tuesday 11 November 2008

Outside my window... The Singapore sky I'm starring at is at its darkest moment, I barely see any stars. I only see the yellowish lights from the landed houses next to my apartment and the other apartments at far... I can feel the world slowing down just everytime I look outside my window.

I am thinking... of my plan to study Theology. (I am also thinking to buy another laptop... the faster one).

I am thankful for... everything God has given me.

From the learning rooms... just couple of days ago I wrote down some Latin phrases that Catholics use to say or write about. Haha.

From the kitchen... I went to Fair Price hypermart this evening so my fridge is kinda full now; I like having soya bean milk ready so I bought two flavours: Marigold Soya Bean Milk (Reduced Sugar) with Almond and Marigold Soya Bean Milk with Pomegranate. Love them.

I am wearing... white-pink hearted tank top and black pyjama pants. (I know, it's not matching... but who's gonna see me anyway?).

I am creating... this blog to be nicer to read lah.

I am going... to start My Journey to South: Episode 2 tomorrow.

I am reading... Dancing in Shadows: Sihanouk, The Khmer Rouge, and The United Nations in Cambodia, by Benny Widyono. I bought this book in Phnom Penh last month but still haven't finished it. No rush anyway. This is a very inspiring book I can say, well written and straightforward. For purchasing and further info can be found here.

I am hoping... everything will be just fine; my temporarily moving to Jakarta, my semi-permanent moving to Melbourne, my plan of studying Theology... I put my hope in You, Lord. Only in You.

I am listening... to 'Since I Met You, Baby' by Wanda Jackson.

Around the house... boxes everywhere. (Have to finish packing by this weekend...).

One of my favorite things... is to sit down in an alfresco cafe, watching the world go by.

A few plans for the rest of the week: tomorrow is quite a big day for me as I will journey to seven different churches to pray (just read in my blog later...), Thursday and Friday will do my work as usual, weekends would be for going to masses and hang-out with friends.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

* This is me in Catholic Church in Siem Reap. Having this picture posted in this blog reminds me of how wonderful God's love for me. I always love traveling, and it's only by the grace of God that I can travel a lot this past three years, and during my travels, I love visiting Catholic Church to pray or sit down a bit. This church in Siem Reap is one of a kind! Look at the building. Lovely wooden church... I heard they also have floating and karaoke churches there.

My Journey to South: Episode 1

2008-11-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

First day of November.

Felt like yesterday when I decided to move in to Singapore; a regular visitor who turned out to be a local at heart. I talk Singlish. Walk fast. Eat Chicken Rice in dirty hawker centre. Take BMW (Bus, MRT, Walk). Hang-out in Clarke Quay. Watch Phua Chu Kang. Buy branded bags. Drink Singapore Sling. Celebrate National Day*. Work hard. Study even harder. I survive...

What's keeping me here? Why is it so hard to leave? Why can't I just pack my things and go? Memories filled every corner of my thought, tears ran down on my cheeks... my dreams were seemed to fade away. All left me confused. Maybe things are not complicated like what I thought so. Maybe everything is that simple. Maybe. I wish I know.

What was I thinking? What was my purpose? If all roads lead to one way then I shall confuse no more...

*Singapore's National Day falls on 9th August which is my birthday.

Day 3 - SHB Retreat

2008-10-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

It was a long night and I'd never had such a good sleep.

I woke up feeling very happy and light. It seemed all my burdens had been taken away...

~*~*~

All retreatants were got up late I think, when I came to the badminton hall for Doa Yesus at 6.30am, the sport had just started, and when finally everybody were gathered together for the pray it was about 7am. So it's 30 minutes behind the schedule. I think all of us were very tired and sleepy...

My second time of Doa Yesus was getting better, I can concentrate more in the praying and eventhough I yawned once or twice, it didn't make me losing the concentration. That was great and I felt good! Reallllly good.

Breakfast followed after the pray and the final session began. This session talked about Growing in His Presence. There're many ways to keep our relationship with God close to our heart: prayer, bible reading, Eucharist and other sacraments, community and service, and also study.

There were also some presentations from KKiHS and KTM (Komunitas Tritunggal Mahakudus), encouraging us to join their community. I sometimes think where have I been for these last 3 years in Singapore? Why didn't I join one of the community here? Was I so busy busy like everybody out there? Was I too busy for God? I do travel a lot... but I should spare some times for God, shouldn't I?

...

I promise to have more time for you, God. And this time is for real.

~*~*~

When the final mass began, I started to feel sad to leave, I don't want this to end... but today is Sunday and tomorrow is a new week already.

Anyway, what most important is that I have to keep this in my heart, I have done my New Life in Spirit seminar and I should remember that... I shall begin my new life... with The Holy Spirit within me, so I can journey together with Christ to go to The Father. Amen.

~*~*~

This is the summary of The New Life in Spirit seminar:

Session 1: God's Love
Session 2: Salvation
Session 3: New Life in Christ
Session 4: Receiving God's gift
Session 5: Receiving God's gift - Speaking in Tongue
Session 6: Growth - Growing in His Presence

~*~*~

===> Thanks for this retreat, God. I'm the new Audia now... I love You ^____^

Day 2 - SHB Retreat

2008-10-11T23:40:00.000-07:00

Why I say this retreat was harder than in Campion is simply because this SHB retreat was a guided retreat while my birthday retreat in there was a self-directed retreat. In Campion, I was on my own, tho' I had a spiritual director but I did all my schedule for prayers and all that by myself. In IHM Retreat House, I was with other hundred of retreatants and therefore the schedule was fixed from 6AM to 10PM. No one can go with their own, we had to follow the schedule.

I love retreat in any kind, be it a self-directed, guided or silent. I love having my moments with God. I remember a saying from St. Teresa of Avila in her Biography book written in Spanish, at the end she wrote 'Solo Dios Basta!' which means 'God alone is enough'; let nothing troubles you, let nothing frightened you, all things will be passed away but God never changed, patience can obtain everything, Solo Dios Basta!

I sometimes think that I probably have been called to a religious life. My soul is thirsting for God's wonderful words and I long to serve people and church. But in the meantime, I also love shopping, latest trends and gadgets, traveling (as much as possible), having a cuppa in a cafe, wine and dine, and many more worldly things. Ehem.

So let's just say that I keep my life balanced. ^_____^

~*~*~

Back to the retreat.

After the sport at 6AM, I had my first 'Doa Yesus' (Jesus' Prayer). Being a moderate Catholic, I had never heard of Jesus' Prayer before, all I know is Jesus taught us to pray 'Our Father'. So when I first read the schedule for this retreat and my eyes were caught on the title of 'Doa Yesus' my first thought was this one probably wouldn't be too far from praying Our Father. Maybe a further explanation of Our Father prayer, I thought.

But it wasn't that far. Doa Yesus is actually a simple pray yet needs lots of concentration. It is as simple as we say 'Jesus' during the praying. We sat on the floor with our hands open up like what we use to do in meditation, controlled our breathing - inhale and exhale, and as we breathed we said Jesus. So it's like saying "Je... (inhale) and sus... (exhale)". It sounded easy, but for a full hour sitting in lotus position - in an early Saturday morning where my friends and colleagues were still snoring in their bed, it's soooo hard...

I felt good and followed the rhythm of the prayer at first, but moments after that I almost felt asleep... (can what? I just had a shower feeling so fresh, early weekend morning, aircon room, instrumental song, peaceful and quiet surrounding... who didn't fall asleep?) When I finally managed to wake up and take a long deep breath... in the next 15 minutes or so, I had spacer or numb feeling (or Indonesians use to call "kesemutan") >.< aarrrrggghhhh

I couldn’t feel my lotus legs.

I couldn't feel a thing.

I almost gave up...

Then I tried to concentrate once again. This time instead of saying "Jesus... Jesus...." I opted to just pray for forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me... That one worked. I didn't fall asleep or go numb, I cried.

* If you need more explanation about Doa Yesus, you can read from here.

~*~*~

After breakfast, we began on Session 1. It's about the God's Love. Basically the Seminar of New Life in the Spirit is the same in everywhere. The Session would be six or seven and each session is taught per week and the bible reading is every day. Instead of having six weeks of seminar this retreat squeezed the six sessions into one whole day which was suitable for anyone with busy activities.

The Session 1 explained how God loves us with everlasting love. As stated in 1 John 4:10, "This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven."

We continued to Session 4 and followed by adoration and confession.

Session 2 was about the Gift of Salvation. God freed us from darkness and power of satan through the coming of His Son, Jesus Christ. "He rescued us from the power of darkness and brought us safe into the kingdom of His dear Son, by whom we are set free, that is, our sins are forgiven." Col 1:13-14.

Session 3 was about New Life in Christ. This was my favourite session. I always love the bible verse from John 10:10, "... I have come in order that you might have life - life in all its fullness." Just everytime I remember this verse, I feel like gaining a new spirit emerge in me even when I'm having a bad day! This seminar taught how God wants to renew our life in Christ through the Holy Spirit. By renewing our faith in Christ, we'd be ready to receive the power of the Holy Spirit.

Session 4 about Receiving God's Gift was interconnected directly with the previous session. In this session we had been prepared to our baptism in Holy Spirit, that is, the renewal of our own baptism. In my understanding, we have to be a baptized Catholic to receive the baptism in Holy Spirit, this baptism by far is a sign of a mature Catholic person. The complete explanation about baptism in Catholic church can be read here.

After session 4, the adoration and confession began. This held in order to prepare ourselves for tonight's mass and our baptism renewal. Lunch followed soon after and silentium break.

I went for a walk in the surrounding at the break time. It was a super hot day but I got nothing to do and I was too lazy for napping.

The church of Immaculate Heart of Mary is located in the Highland road where all the beautiful landed houses are. The roads were very quiet that afternoon and I barely saw anybody on the streets. I got back to the church complex after 15 minutes walking around.

~*~*~

In between the sessions, we got praise and worship where inspirational songs were sung. We were not only singing but also dancing and clapping hands. It was lively. Not all Catholics can accept this kind of singing with all clapping and dancing but for me as long as it's within the limits, I'm all in all ok.

Session 5 explained about speaking in tongues (Glossolalia) as gift from God. I cannot say that I'm totally believe in glossolalia but I'm also not controversial against it. I can accept that. I'm okay with people who believe and practise it and I don't see them as weird or something. People have their own way to pray and praise I think.

Speaking in tongues can be seen as a way of praising God. In my logic understanding, when we are in a particular moment where we can feel God loves us very much (or if we feel we are sinful but still God forgives us or any feelings related to God and His mercy) and the presence of Holy Spirit surround us, that we probably can speak in tongues as our response to God. Some said that God had touched their heart and they can't thank Him enough in words so they spoke glossolalia. That, I do believe. There were times when I felt so close, so thankful to Him that I was no longer able to speak anything. At that time I can feel God was smiling at me. And I smiled back. But I didn't speak glossolalia.

This speaking is actually beyond our intelligence. There are some articles and books about it, but moreover, it is our own experience that counts. I believe every single person has his or her own personal explanation (or experience) towards it. I was waiting for mine.

~*~*~

After session 5, we had a small break to prepare for the mass. We had a mass everyday during this retreat.

There was a renewal of our baptismal promises during the mass. Just everytime I say my baptism promise, I always feel joy whenever the promise comes out from my mouth.

Do you reject Satan? I do. And all his works? I do. And all
his empty promises? I do. Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty,
creator of heaven and earth? I do.
Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the
Virgin Mary was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now
seated at the right hand of the Father? I do.
Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church, the communion of
saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life
everlasting? I do.
God, the all-powerful Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has given us a new
birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and forgiven all our sins. May he also keep
us faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ for ever and ever. Amen.

Dinner followed after that. Teh Kotak Sosro provided... *I love Teh Kotak (teh = tea, kotak = box, Teh Kotak basically is a jasmine tea drink in a small package box).

~*~*~

I'm honestly saying that I was a bit afraid after the dinner. I wasn't ready for "Pencurahan Roh Kudus (Receiving the gift of Holy Spirit)", I wasn't ready to receive it and I was afraid to speak in tongues.

We again sat in the floor as we did in adoration. The lights were dimmed. Inspirational songs were sung. Sister Rufina, P.Karm, guided us to pray... I soon released my fearness... I let God worked on me.

When finally the sisters and priest came to each one of us, praying and speaking tongues - spreading the joy of Holy Spirit, I was more than ready. One of the sister stood and prayed in front of me, put the sign of cross in my forehead and in a blink I was shaking and fell down... I laid on my back in the floor (I was kneeling at that time but there was a catcher on my back so it didn't hurt at all). Seconds after that, I had a strange feeling in the whole body of mine; I can hear my heart beating, I can hear my breathe, I can feel the blood through my veins... I can feel me... it felt like I was inside my body. Then instead of speaking in tongues, I started to cry... a very deep cry. So deep that I can feel my body shaking. I was totally sane of course, I think not even a single second I was uncoscious, that wasn't a trance nor unconsciousness, that was Holy Spirit around me not other things. I felt God touched my heart, I can feel Him so close to me. I was sad and happy at the same time.

I still laid down on the floor for quite sometime... and I journeyed back to the past. I saw myself in many pictures... and I cried even more tears... why can't I realize God's everlasting love to me? why can't I know that He's waiting for me for all this time? why I was so blind of God's mercy to me?

I always like a quote of "There's always something better waiting around the corner...". Though I don't really follow on that since we have to know on which corner we should wait... wrong corner - wrong turn - no better option. But at that moment I knew that this's my corner, this's the right corner, this's the corner I should turn to... God has been waiting for me to turn to Him. God is waiting for around the corner for me.

When I finally got up and on my kneeling position again, I wiped out my tears and took a long deep breath... I thanked God for the wonderful moment with Him... and I had never been so sure in my life. I can feel my heart was at a full. I was like flowing on the air... I felt joy that I've never felt before.

~*~*~

Sharing came after that. Some people were sharing their experiences on how hard they tried for joining this retreat and how wonderful that was for them. I was having the same thing. Great experiences. I didn't share anything with the other retreatants, but I did knew that I also had an amazing experience during this retreat.

The priest said that our journey in New Life with Christ has just begun and it depends on us on how to keep it flaming in our heart. I want to keep the flame in me, I want it to keep burning inside me.

My journey has just begun...

Day 1 - SHB Retreat

2008-10-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

Seminar Hidup Baru (SHB) 2008 - Seminar for A New Life 2008.

Topic: Feel His Presence

~*~*~

I saw the poster about a month ago in Holy Spirit Church -Upper Thompson Rd. Honestly, I wasn't really excited of having another retreat this year but still I noted the contact persons and thought of calling them later on. I did call them in couple of days but had not enrol myself to this retreat. I asked this and that, and ended telling them that "I'll let you know later".

That was it.

Two weeks after that when I was having my Hari Raya holiday in Jakarta, I got a feeling that I must do this. I m-u-s-t join this seminar. So I quickly smsed one of the contact person and registered myself into the program.

This SHB was initiated by KKiHS (Karismatik Katolik Indonesia Holy Spirit). KKiHS is a Charismatic Catholic community for Indonesian people in Singapore. Most of their activites are held in Holy Spirit church. I'm not a member anyway, though' once or twice I come to their Indonesian language mass every first Sunday at 3.30pm. As this one is a stay-in retreat, so it was conducted at the Retreat House of Church Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM), 24 Highland Rd. The program started at 6.30pm on Friday 10 October to lunch time on Sunday 12 October 2008.

Challenges began only two days before the retreat. I didn't know what's got into me, but I felt reluctant to go, I hadn't packed a thing until 2 hours before the SHB started. I even thought of canceling and just stay home for the weekend. I was really in doubt.

~*~*~

When I finally arrived at the retreat house at around 7.15pm, all retreatants were still busy doing re-registration, I thought I was late and missed half of the opening mass... but God had waited, so I quickly grabbed the sheet and pillow cover provided and ran to the dormitory.

The IHM retreat house is a three storey dormitory-style building. I was in the Room No. 1 and there were about 21 girls staying in the same room.

I had to sleep in a bunk bed... it's been decades since I slept in that kind of bed; and I weigh twice as well >.<

Thank God the lower bed still available.

~*~*~

The mass finally began at 7.30pm. The atmosphere of Catholic Charismatic were on the air: the vibrant singing, clapping and raising hands, lively preaching, and glossolalia (speaking in tongues). That wasn't my first of listening people doing glossolalia, tho' I don't really believe on that but I don't reject it either. I respect in any ways of praying.

But I was still feeling flat even after the mass.

*The mass held in the IHM church Badminton hall

We had dinner after mass and at that time it was around 9pm.

~*~*~

The adoration followed after that and finally my heart had been opened a bit. My first encounter of adoration was when I attended Saturday sunset mass at my parish church in Singapore. Being a Catholic since born it's quite strange that I had never heard of adoration before three years ago. I used to be a non-devoted Catholic, I attended mass only when I wanted it to... I just didn't have time for God before and I do regret having that kind of feeling. Ok, to cut the story short, I'm now in the process of being a good Catholic and I honour every bits and pieces of that process.

Back to adoration. Adoration is a sign of devotion to and worship of Jesus Christ. We Catholics believe that Jesus' presence in Eucharist is under the appearance of consecrated hosts = Bread and Wine. The Eucharist is sometimes called as Eucharist Adoration. Besides it, Catholics also do the Perpetual Adoration when the Blessed Sacrament (host/bread/communion) is placed in a monstrance. The word monstrance comes from the Latin word monstrare which means "to show". It is the vessel used to display the consecrated host. The monstrance then is placed in front of the tabernacle (the box that holds the monstrance and consecrated hosts) or altar in church for adoration.

Pictures of the monstrance:

The way we do in Perpetual Adoration is different from what in Eucharist. In this adoration, it is the time for us alone with Jesus as His True Presence is in the host of the centre of the monstrance. I know, it is so hard to understand and somehow it is beyond our belief. Even for us Catholics. For me, it is not the monstrance or host that I praise and devote to, I don't praise nor pray to the thing - I pray to The Father through Jesus and ask The Holy Spirit to guide me all the way. The host in monstrance is a visual symbol of His True Presence.

So it is wrong if people say that Catholics pray and worship the religious statues. I do kneel and bow in front of the altar not because I worship the statue but because I know that the tabernacle in the altar holds the Blessed Sacrament that presenting Jesus. I do pray in front of Mother Mary statue or picture, but that's not because I worship the statue or picture of Mother Mary. Sometimes people also wonder why Catholics pray to Mother Mary. I pray to Mother Mary as my respect to her as the mother of Jesus. If we regularly say the rosary or pray Hail Mary, we must know that we actually ask her to pray for us... "Holy Mary, Mother of God... pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death".

We can say that people worship statues if they can't no longer pray if their particular statue is gone missing or broken. Let's say if one claim that "I only want to pray with this cross or that statue and I can't pray if that cross or statue is not there"... that we have to put on question marks.

Religion is something that we acknowledge with our heart not with our mind and it is beyond our intelligence.

In this retreat, the adoration was very amazing. We sat on the floor in a lotus position, the singers were singing Catholic adoration hymns, we prayed and sang together, and finally the priest blessed each one of us by holding the monstrance.

I went to bed feeling good. I knew that God invited me to come and join this retreat so I didn't want to let Him down. I had to do this until the end; in which another 1,5 days to come. It's absolutely harder than my retreat in Campion but I didn't walk alone. I could feel His presence that night, and I wanted to have that feeling for the rest of my life.

Day SEVENThe Power of Your Love

2008-08-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

♫ Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed renewed
Flowing from the grace that I found
In You

Lord I've come to know
The weakness I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side

And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love as You live
In me

Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side ♫

Today is my seventh day in Campion, and I'm going back to the city after lunch. Mixed feelings. It was so hard to even get up this morning.

I will miss this... miss the chapel, the view from the dining room, the food, the comfy duvet and pillow, the garden, the poems from Marlene... I will miss Campion, I will miss this birthday retreat.

I'm going to set an annual retreat for me starting from this year, it shouldn't be on every birthday but at least I will have a religious retreat once a year.

~*~*~

I went down to Marlene's office, and gave her my thank you letter. We talked a bit and she wished me the very best. I was still in the mixed feelings. I had my lunch quietly and sat in the chapel after that. I brought my rosary with me and said the seventh day rosary. It was about the mystery of the Eucharist (Jesus feeds five thousands, Jesus the living Bread, Jesus the Bread of life, the Lord's supper, and the body and blood of Christ).

~*~*~

I glided myself along the path in Hodgson St., still in Kew, waiting for the taxi to bring me back to the city. I felt cold breeze all over my face... it was too cold. I decided to keep walking. Carving my footprints along the way. I looked back and saw nothing in the pathway. I felt empty.

In five days I'll be leaving this southern hemisphere and heading back to the tropical cities where my heart resides. Singapore. Jakarta. Will Melbourne come afterward? I don't know... But I do want to... so much. I looked up to the big blue sky of Kew, sighing and wishing for a supernatural sign when I heard the horn from somewhere. I noticed the yellow vehicle coming. My taxi.

I left Campion feeling sad, -or was it just my anxiety of getting back to real life? I didn't know.

I smiled to the driver and gave him the address where I headed to. It was started to rain when the van left the gate. The atmosphere was just perfect for a drama. A car left. Luggages loaded. Raining. Sad moments. Melancholy instrumental score. A long sigh...

I got off in front of the apartment I rented for the next five days. I took a lift to the fifth floor, brought two big suitcases in my hands, swiped the key, pushed the luggages in, closed the door and laid myself in bed - with my sneakers on.

What will my life be after this? Will I be ready to leave my work and everything that I've done so far? Will I be confident enough to leave Singapore and move south?

I got up after napping for an hour and went down to the next door of the building. An Indonesian Restaurant. I ordered grilled squid with rice and sat by the window. I took one of the Indonesian newspaper provided, and suddenly missing Jakarta so much. But I'm still not ready to come back for good - not yet. Time will tell.

I was about to flip another page when my order came. Piping hot grilled baby squids with fragrant steamed rice. Looked tempting.

There's nothing better than a delicious hometown cooking in this cold winter Melbourne...

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:

Thanksgiving Prayer:

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

For the wonderful seven days in Campion,
For the unforgettable birthday celebration,
For the quiet chapel for me to pray,
For the freshly after-the-rain smell in the garden,
For the nice people in here who understand,
For the comfort room and bed – ever,
For the delicious food spread,
For the superb view from the dining room,
For the good books I found,
For the inspired songs I heard,
For everything You have given me; today, these seven days, last month, last year, last 10 years, when I was born, a teenager, a young adult, in forever and later…
I bow my head and say...

Thank You, God

Readings of the day:
o Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way.
o Luke 1:26-38. The birth of Jesus is announced.
o Luke 1:38. Mary’s “yes” to God: “I am the Lord’s servant,” said Mary; “may it happen to me as you have said.”

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day SIXHope for Healing

2008-08-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Another freezy morning. I got up, updated the blog, took a long hot shower, and up to the dining room for a breakfast.

I got some plans to do today but God has the last word so I would start by sitting quietly in the chapel and let God leads me throughout the day. I brought a book with me, called Hope for Healing by George Leach. I have no idea what this book has to offer but the title sounds interesting.

It is interesting. I read it halfway until lunchtime and was mesmerized by the power of the writings in this book. I love the way it described God as our ultimate healer; through the scriptures about Jesus as the real action of God’s healing for us, through the real life people that has been healed, and through the world that is going around. There are some inspiring poems in the book which guide me to the rhythm of God’s tender messages for me. I want to be healed. I want to be a healer for people. I put my hope for a healing.

I’m glad I found this book.

So much personal suffering and hidden pain exist around us, indeed in many of us. Admit or not to admit; our world needs so much healing, our country needs so much healing, we need so much healing. We all need to be healed and we can be somebody else’s healer. But how?

I believe that healing is the action of love. If we can feel ‘the love’, we can be healed and be a healer. Love is not only expressed through a relationship between human being but also through any bits and pieces of this world. If we love our world – our country, we will do something. We will do something for it, we will begin to realize that we are a part of it and we want it to be healed. If we are a healer for our world – for our country, as a part of it – we will be healed as well. We may be doing something that is invisible and resulting no greater effect, but believe me that no action is too small if we are doing it with love.

We are probably thinking that doing something for the country or the world is way beyond imagination, but how about the healing for our neighbor? There are so many wounded people around us. They need to be healed and we can help them to be a healer.

The inspiring poems in the book I mentioned earlier, some can be read below:

Page 84.

There is so much pain around us, an aching in all
Cultures are shifting; countries are struggling;
families are paining; individuals are suffering;
the change and flux is gigantic.
What do we do?

There is a natural tendency to avoid pain,
to pop a pill for everything,
to ignore suffering in others,
to withdraw,
to build my own little world.

There is another stirring in our heart,
another call from within to with-out.

There is another invitation to live, not just with,
but beyond personal pain.
to work, not just for the outcast, but to love Him.
ebb and flow...
ascending and descending...
in and out...
to pray about,
around,
through these sufferings.

Page 87.

The call for each of us is the same mystery of love---
Living and dying,
Giving and reviving,
Aching and rejoicing,
Of having sighs that come straight from our hearts,
Of feeling the cost and the joy of love.

~*~*~

I had the last session with Marlene earlier this morning. She gave me some beautiful poems and a thank you card. Later on when I was in the chapel, she dropped by and gave me a CD full of beautiful and inspiring songs. I feel guilty for not giving her anything. I did wrote her a thank you letter which I’m going to slip on her office door tomorrow, but I should have given her a souvenir or something. But that’s okay, if I’m going to live in Melbourne for studying Spirituality and Theology, I’ll be seeing her again and I can give her that souvenir.

~*~*~

I went to Carmelites Monastery to pray in their beautiful garden before lunch.

I love walking in this neighborhood. Yes it’s windy and freezing, but I just love it. If I tired walking then I just stop, looking at the big blue sky of Melbourne, or seeing the Melbourne skycrappers. Kew is on the east side and because of its hilly land structure, we can see the CBD skycrappers from here. It’s a very beautiful view, especially at night. It’s too bad my compact camera isn’t able to capture the night scene otherwise I can have some pictures of beautiful night lights from the Melbourne city.

~*~*~

I went up to the rooftop balcony after lunch. I brought a cuppa with me. It was soooo beautiful. I wish I don't have to go back to city tomorrow.

~*~*~

The Rosary tonight is about Jesus the Healer (Jesus heals a paralyzed man, a woman who had suffered terribly from severe bleeding, a man born blind, a woman caught in adultery, and a boy with a demon).

Jesus is our perfect example as a healer.

Discover the gentle movement that is going on inside us all the time.
Discover the many ways of loving and receiving love.
Discover the many ways that Jesus, the gentle healer, is trying to love us.
Discover His call to a freedom, a healing that will allow us to love....
a healing that will call us to be gentle healers with Him, like Him.*

*Page 45. Hope for Healing.

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
I am a kind of person who always buy everything under a warranty. I hate black-market products and avoid to purchase anything which come without any assurance on it. I just want to buy safe. If something happen then I will just go to the manufacturer and have it repaired. I know sometimes not all products are given with a reliable post purchase behaviour, but at least having a warranty product will reduce our headache.

That reflects on our life as well. Do we consider a warranty for our life? Or we just don’t care about that – taking short cuts for cheaper and easier things to get? How about if we are broken down? Where do we go for a repair? Who’s our manufacturer?

One possible result of a prayer is healing
Get a warranty of life and get yourself ~~repaired~~ healed

Readings of the day:
o Psalms 131. Lord, I have given up my pride and turned away from my arrogance. I am not concerned with great matters or with subjects too difficult for me. Instead, I am content and at peace. As a child lies quietly in its mother’s arms, so my heart is quiet within me. Audia*, trust in the Lord now and forever!
o Acts 17:25,27-28. He himself gives all men life and breath and everything else... so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being.
o Luke 6:27-31. “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone hits you on one cheek, let him hit the other one too; if someone takes your coat, let him have your shirt as well. Give to everyone who asks you for something, and when someone takes what is yours, do not ask for it back. Do for others just what you want them to do for you.”
o Luke 6:26-38. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you. Give to others, and God will give to you. Indeed, you will receive a full measure, a generous helping, poured into your hands – all that you can hold. The measure you use for others is the one that God will use for you.”

*Original version: Psalm 131:3. Israel, trust in the Lord now and forever!

Sources:
o Broyles, Sharon. Strength for Today, Daily Devotions for the Chronically Ill. HarperCollins Publishers, United States of America, 1993.
o Holy Bible, New Revised Standard Version, Cross Reference Edition with The Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical Books. HarperCollins Publishers, London, 1998.
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Leach, George. Hope for Healing, An Invitation to Hope and Healing through personal and social relationship. Daniel Books of Toronto, Toronto, 1978.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day FIV*E The Calling

2008-08-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

I came to realisation that there are three callings in this life: marriage, single or celibacy. None is better than the others. All are equally great before God. Our social relationship with others would make our calling hidden under those cultural traditions and family demands. We have to know what we really really need, we have to know our deepest desires, we have to know what we want... Based on those needs, desires and wants you will be able to encounter your calling into further step.

Discernment. What is discernment?
Discernment is a process by which we are helped to come to a decision. This is very important to remember and consider when it comes to making life choices. Discern your vocation as person...

Do you need/desire/want to get married? Do you want a spouse? Children of your own? Family gathering once or twice a year? Are you ready to hold your ego and put the family at first? Are you tired of finding someone to company you to the party? Are you afraid of sleeping alone at night? You hate going home to an empty place? Or you think your clock is tickling and you need to release it urgently? If most your answers to those questions are ‘yes’ then yes! you need to get married.

Do you need/desire/want to stay single? Do you love your freedom above everything? You don’t mind going to the party alone? Are you an avid traveller and wanderlust? You love going places? Do you have a carrier=job that is not suited for a family type kind-a-person? Do you love being with your friends and party all night with them? Do you like your own good-sleep after a busy day? Are you happy with your life now eventhough you haven’t been in relationship for the last 10 years? You are okay of being alone in the park where most lovers are? If your answers are mostly yes to those question then a single life is probably what fit you best.

When it comes to a calling for celibacy, I’m not able to describe further about that in here because each individual has his/her own unique experience of this kind of calling. I read a book about ‘calling and chosen’ and I was mesmerized by the story of the priests whom were called and chosen; their beautiful journey to reach and search God’s will in them is something that only few people has it.

~*~*~

I walked around in the complex after lunch. Campion has a big huge garden and labyrinth which can use for personal prayer and contemplation.

~*~*~

The Rosary that I’m going to say tonight is The Mystery of Salvation (Jesus taught Nicodemus, A Good Shepherd, The Rich Man and The Kingdom of God, Jesus the Real Vine, and The Final Judgement). This will be my fifth day...

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
God has determined... that I should reach that which is my greatest happiness.
~Cardinal Newman

A prayer for discernment ~ Thomas Merton

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road.

Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me.
And you will never leave me to face my struggles alone.

I am going there... to my greatest happiness

Readings of the day:
o Deuteronomy 30:19. Choose life.
o Matthew 7:21. “Not everyone who calls me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only those who do what my father in heaven wants them to do.
o 1 Corinthians 10:31. “Well, whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do it all for God’s glory.”

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.
o http://www.ozvocations.catholic.org.au

Day FOU*R Live Abundantly

2008-08-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

“... I have come in order that you might have life – life in all its fullness.” John 10:10.

Last night was very cold. I even slept with my homeboots on.

I’d never imagined that Melbourne can be this freezing in winter. I looked out of the window and saw the water dripping in the gardens outside. It’s raining again. Today is Monday, this probably the first Monday since the last couple of years which I don’t have to rush for work and think about things to do for the whole week. I feel a bit weird. I had never such a Monday like this. I do have vacations couple of times a year but somehow this time is different. I had never left my work like this before, and even my colleagues didn’t call me either. I checked e-mail through my mobile everyday, and none about the work. Isn’t it even more weird?

But I know that God has given me the time to pray and focus on myself.

I came to see my spiritual director this morning. We talked a lot. She inspired me in many ways, and I wish to do what she’s doing right now. I wish to be a teacher, a lecturer, a spiritual director as well as a writer and poet.

I pray that my path is there.

She gave me this pastel yellow paper with beautiful words about ‘Tuning in to God’:
- That prayer is God’s initiative, not our achievement.
- That prayer is about listening, more than about talking.
- That prayer is about receiving, more than about asking for.
- That prayer is about coming to rest in the direction of God.

I am now in this place - I am coming to rest in the direction of God.
I am now in that prayer.

I walked around in the neighborhood after lunch. The weather still very cold, but I decided to go out taking some good pictures. The hilly roads of Kew are still a big challenge for me but it wasn’t as hard as the first time I climbed those steep roads. I went back to Campion after around 30 minutes outside.

After walking, I took a nap for a while, flipped over some good books, said an evening prayer in the chapel, and had my dinner. We had rice this time! Rice. R-i-c-e. I missed having rice in my meal. For these last four days in here I only had bread and potato, somehow my Asian stomach was not really satisfied with those. Hehe. But this time I got rice. How lucky I am. God did worked in a mysterious way. Earlier at lunch I was just thinking how I missed rice in my meal. But then my thinking had been answered in only hours. I smiled and thanked God for this rice dinner, and kept on smiling while eating.

~*~*~

I’ve got this beautiful poem from my spiritual director after meeting her earlier today.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Each one of us has our own reasons for fruition
You can only grow if you are imperfect
So give thanks for imperfection
Rejoice in who you are.. in the realisation that each of us has our own rhythms...
Each one of us has our own seasons...
Each one of us has our own time...
And the only thing that is important for us is not to say,
‘Where am I?’ in respect to an ideal for there is no ideal.
The only ideal (if there is an ideal) is the acceptance of oneself...
It is to be nothing else than oneself today... as child... in wonderment... totally accepting ourselves with all blockages and all wounds – but with trusting!
There is not something we have to be tomorrow: there is just, to be who we are, TODAY.

by Jean Vanier

That is so beautiful! I read it couple of times and still wonder why that poem can be so right for me. Mrs. Marburg told me not to put pressure on myself, yes I have to be gentle to myself. I am a very ambitious, organized, well-planned, knowledge-oriented... kind of person. I like everything under (my) control. I like to lead people. And I can’t be relaxed because of that. I’d probably been seen as an easy-going and friendly person, but I actually can’t stop thinking and planning on something in my mind. That is even scarier than a workaholic. I have to let my brain relaxed. I have to let my mind thinking on something else beside what I have to be tomorrow. Just be who I am – for today. Maybe that’s why God drew me here to this place. So I can just relax, have some good sleep, eat healthy food, exercise a lot, pray a lot, read some inspiring books and many things that will give me joy that I didn’t expect... what a wonderful life!

== I have to admit that I’m very sleepy ( = lazy) to do my rosary tonight. But I promised to God and I know it’s my faithfulness that counts not the result. I’m going to say the Joyful Mysteries: The Annunciation, The Visitation, The Nativity, The Presentation, and Finding in The Temple.

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ~Charles Dickens.

Poem of Life

When’s the last time you watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain as it tickled the ground?
Have you followed a butterfly’s erratic flight,
stood and gazed at the sun as it faded to night?

You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you rush through each day as if on the fly,
never catch up however you try?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Have you ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow?”
And in your haste, not seen her sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
because you never had time to call and say “Hi”?

You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

When you’re running so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift just thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Life is not a race.
Do take a moment to just sit in the church,
to breathe in and out
to scent the fresh air
to listen to God
to feel His presence
to let Him fill your heart with compassion
to let Him fill your life with abundant love
to let Him hold you in the palm of His safe hands...

I want to live abundantly in the palm of God's safe hands

Readings of the day:
o Ecclesiastes 7:14. When things are going well for you, be glad, and when trouble comes, just remember: God sends both happiness and trouble; you never know what is going to happen next.
o John 10:10. Abundant life.
o John 8:32,36. The truth will set you free. If the Son sets you free, then you will really free.
o Proverbs 16:24. Kind words are like honey – sweet to the taste and good for your health.
o Psalms 139. God’s Complete Knowledge and Care.

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Hansen, Michael, S.J. The Gospels for Prayer. Ave Maria Press, Inc., United States of America, 2003.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day THREE Beyond Love

2008-08-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

I overslept. I missed the 8 AM Sunday mass in the Carmelites Monastery.

I got up around 9.30AM, felt very cold and saw it’s raining outside. Aha. So I wouldn’t feel that guilty for not going to church. ☺

I took a quick shower, put some make-up on, and sat quietly in the chapel. The group of Redemptorist Priests was having a private mass in the next room, they were singing very lovely and I love listening to it. It made my communication with God even more deeper.

♪♪“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy burdened, and I shall give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart. And you’ll find rest for your souls. Yes my yoke is easy and my burden is light...”♪♪

What do you want from me God?

what
is
it
God?

I still find no answer.

I decided to have a walk after lunch. The wind was very strong and I saw nobody on the street, it was freezingly cold. So I turned back to Campion, had some hot drinks in the pantry and saw Alison – the other retreatant, we talked for a while and got back to the room.

I am quite blank today. This is my third day in Campion and it seems like I'm still blur and messed up. But then I remember Marlene told me that I came here to rest for a while so I can't put too much pressure on me and let God touch me in His unique way. Okay.

So I am here to relax and rest. And pray.

A lot.

I walked to the library and borrowed a book which was written by my spiritual director. It’s called ‘an ordinary woman’. I wasn’t really in the mood of reading something but there this poem of her that caught my attention:
“What does it feel like to
love others so much that
their joys and sorows
become your own?
This is ordinary love
which has the power to
transform both the lover
and the loved.”

I know loving someone can be quite hard and painful, and in the meantime also joyful and extremely beautiful. But in my stage; I don’t look for ordinary love anymore, I’m looking for something above it all. Beyond Love. I’m looking for the ultimate Love - God’s love for me. I want to be loved by God, I want to feel it... I need to feel it... abudantly.

I know God loves me so much that He set my life so perfectly like this but I need to keep feeling it for the rest of my life. I wish to trust Jesus with all my heart and soul, forever. I need God’s love to be able to live. I want the eternal love of God flaming in my heart for as long as I live. And I’m going to work hard on it. For me, God’s love means Faith. When you know you are loved, you will be able to do anything... and when you know you are loved by God, you will be able to believe in miracles. Miracles happen to those who believe in God and nothing is impossible in God’s magical hands.

~*~*~

I got a beautiful story from a friend which we can also find this amazing story all over the world wide web, but I think I'm going to put it in here to remind me of how important love in our life.

Once there was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

o0o

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life is A Gift.

Today, before you think of saying unkind and rude words - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out for a companion.
Before you complain about life - Think of someone who had died and went too early to heaven/hell.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
When you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift- Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.

The moral of the story:
It is love that makes us able to see without the eyes of our own. For the blindness of the heart is the most frightening. Be grateful of everything and don't forget those who have done a lot for you. Never let your hatred and desperation surround you, for that will make your life even worse. Life is better when we think it is. Be able to love… as what the Bible said: love God and your neighbor as well.

~*~*~

I prayed again the chapel before dinner. I knew that I’d be having a dinner alone since everybody was leaving but that’s okay for me. I had two big chicken drumsticks, potato wedges, grilled carrot and green peas. The chef made me a caramel pudding for desert which I mixed with two scoops of Bulla vanilla ice cream. This retreat place is incredibly generous in terms of food. Many kind of breads, spreads, cereals, biscuits, teas, coffees, chocolate powder, milk (and non-fat milk!), fruits, and juices, are available around the clock. Lunch and dinner are usually big meals like grilled chicken, huge mushroom omelette, croissant sandwich, and many more. Oh, and I love their sweet potato soup which is served daily on lunch. It’s perfect for this cold weather.

I brought my own stocks just in case. But those are untouchable since I am so well fed here.

Again for the rosary (this is my third day), I’m going to say the Glorious Mysteries tonight: The Ressurrection, The Ascension, The Descent of the Holy Spirit, The Assumption, and The Coronation of The Blessed Virgin Mary.

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
“You want to seek God with all your life,
and to love Him with all your heart.
But you would be wrong
if you thought you could reach Him.
Your arms are too short, your eyes are too dim,
Your heart and understanding too small.
To seek God
means first of all
to let yourself be found by Him…
He is your God,
not because He is yours
but because you are His.”*

*taken from the green leaflet in St. Francis Church, 326 Lonsdale St. Melbourne, Australia, 3000. Composed by Father Edward Wood, SSS.

Love me, God. Find me, God.
Draw me near into Your dwelling place... for my soul is thirsting for You

Readings of the day:
o 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. Love.
o Psalms 23:1. The Lord is my Shepherd; I have everything I need.
o Proverbs 16:1. We may make our plans, but God has the last word.
o 1 Timothy 1:5. Love comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
o Matthew 11:28-30. “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.
o Marburg, Marlene. An Ordinary Woman. Windsor Scroll Publishing, Doncaster, Australia, 2005.
o The Catholic Youth Bible, International Edition. Saint Mary’s Press, USA, 2004.

Day TWO Searching for God's Will

2008-08-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 3 AM in the morning wondering where was I, and suddenly remembered that today is the day!

I couldn’t get up and kneel to pray for my birthday so I only made a cross sign, said some personal prayer, and back to sleep.

I woke up again at around 8 AM, got up very quickly, took a shower, had my breakfast, prayed in the chapel, and went down to see Marlene. I spent an hour in her office. I had no idea of sharing anything with her actually, but she did asked me what brought me here and what am I expecting from this retreat. I told her that my first idea was only to have something different for this year’s birthday. The idea was became wider as I am also searching for God’s will for me. “I wish God would speak to me, in any ways, in anything... ” that’s what I told Marlene what I am expecting for. She listened to me very carefully, gave me some information about praying methods, and finally she read me a beautiful passage from John 4: 1-42 about The Living Water, a story of Jesus and the Samaritan Woman. She asked me to imagine the situation while she was reading the scriptures, I’m not that imaginary person actually, but I was trying hard and Marlene said that it was good as a beginner. :)

I must say that I felt a bit empty and dry this morning. I met Marlene with flat flat feelings. But soon after she began talking and sharing, I felt passion emerging from my heart. I began asking on how she prays, and after that words just came out from my mouth like water. She also suggested me to walk around in the neighborhood - Yarra Bend garden and Yarra river. I love walking in the gardens. “There’s one lovely coffeeshop next to the river,” she said. How can she know that I lurve coffeeshop?

So instead of going to the gardens or coffeeshop, I went to Carmelite Monastery. This monastery is only 10 minutes away from Campion, but it was a bit challenging walking there.

First was the weather, it was so cold and windy, and somehow I just couldn’t walk fast in this cold winter season. I love walking so much, and living in Singapore forces me to walk and walk. But Singapore is different from Melbourne, the structure of the roads in Singapore is just easy for me to walk a kilometer without being tired or losing my breath. But in Melbourne (...sigh), the roads are unbelievably sloping. There are some roads in the CBD like Bourke St or Elizabeth St. which are quite ok to walk but most of them are steeping ups and downs. So the second problem was the contour of the road.

I arrived in the Monastery for a midday Saturday mass at 11.30 AM. I met this wonderful nun who showed me the way to the church.

As I entered the big steel church door and drew my hand to the holy water to make a cross sign, I was amazed by the interior of the church. I had never been into such a beautiful church like this one. It felt like I was in somewhere else, not in Kew nor in Melbourne, I was feeling that I must be daydreaming and flew to Italy or France and sitting in their historical church. But no, I’m in here in Kew. This Carmelite Monastery’s church isn’t big, but it’s so lovely and warm. The walls are covered with paintings of Jesus, Mary and the angels. The seatings are single chairs made from old wood which become very noisy when someone sits on it. They also have the candle section next to the figurine of the sacred body of St. Bernadette. The Altar is incredibly amazing, on the left is the place for choir which all the Carmelites nuns are singing amazingly beautiful and clear. Their voice are absolutely wonderful.

I was thinking to take a picture or two but I was afraid that this church is a sacred place and no cameras are allowed. So I'll be just keeping the pictures in my mind...

The church wasn’t that full, allowing people to have spaces on their seats. I noticed this man who wears a medium loop silver ring on his left ear, his style was like an Italian mafia on the movies; wearing leather jacket, jeans, and boots; and his earring is a plus. He can be a mafia or anything, but he was crying all over the mass! Yes he was, I can tell from his sobbing and blobbing red-eye of him. Nobody cared though. People were busy with their own prayers (and problems). That’s what I like of going to church outside Indonesia; people respects to one another, nobody would care if you are crying or sobbing in the mass (as long as you don’t do it in extremely annoying to others), and you will be given space for you and God to communicate. I love staying longer to pray after mass which I can’t do it in Indonesia otherwise people will start to think what kind of sins you have made so you have to pray longer in church. Haha.

This mass had finished in 45 minutes and I walked back to Campion for lunch.

After lunch I decided to walk to the Yarra Bend garden nearby, I was planning to walk to the river as well but a bit afraid of getting lost so I just sit in the gardens for a while and back again to Campion. I entered my room with mixed feelings. I wanted to pray but felt empty. I wanted to read the scriptures but felt no energy for it. So I took one book from the shelf and flipped over it until I stopped on the page that caught my eyes. It was about the Our Father prayer, the one that Jesus taught us to pray. Praying or singing the Our Father is one of my favourite part in the Eucharist.

Our Father is the most powerful prayer of all times; it consists of seven petitions follow in short rhythmic phrases:

Hallowed be Your Name
Your Kingdom come
Your Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our debts
As we also have forgiven our debtors
And do not bring us to the time of trial
But rescue us from the evil one

The first three are of God: Your Name, Your Kingdom, and Your Will. The second four are of us: Feed Us, Forgive Us, Lead Us, and Deliver Us. The first set fills us with faith, hope and love. The second set seeks nourishment, forgiveness and deliverance from evil. Together the seven petitions are a model of our relationship with God. We conclude the prayer with Amen.

This great book which had opened my mind and heart for a simple Our Father prayer, The Gospels for Prayer - is composed by Michael Hansen, S.J., who also a spiritual director, retreat leader and author of other religious books.

~*~*~

When the dinner time came, I was surprised that Campion team had prepared a birthday cake for me. It was a small creamy tart with my name’s written on the serviette, and it was the most wonderful birthday tart ever. All the retreatants were singing ‘happy birthday’ to me and I just couldn’t help but tearing in my eyes. I might be away from family and friends but I know God is always so close that He celebrated my birthday in this place. I had never felt so full with God’s love before and I know that I’m coming to the right place and in the right time.

My firm intention of being in this retreat was to seek God’s will for me. Some said that God’s will for us is hidden deep inside our heart and by the time we know ourselves more we should know what God wants from us. I can’t deny that, and I do believe on those sayings but I need a help to find myself, that is, God’s will for me.

And I know this retreat is the help for me.

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange for it.
~ Anynomous

(As for the seven-day rosary, the mysteries for tonight are about the Teaching from Good News, Be Faithful and Trust in the Lord, Children of God, Lazarus is brought to life, and Jesus the Way to the Father)

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
“God enters by private door to every individual”
~Ralph Waldo

Each of us is born as a unique. Nobody does exactly the same, even twins. So do what you want to do, as long as it is in the right way according to God. Don’t imitate other people, don’t try to do something just to please others, and don’t judge others just because they are doing something that you might think is useless or nothing. Do what you are passionate about, for passion is worth 80% of your success and the other 20% is the potential. Passion + Potential = Purpose.*

* Quoted from Bo Sanchez’ Seminar.

I hope I can find my purpose for this life

Readings of the day:
o Psalms 23:6. I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life; and your house will be my home as long as I live.
o Matthew 6:25. “This is why I tell you: do not be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn’t life worth more than food? And isn’t the body worth more than clothes?”
o Matthew 7:7-8. Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”
o John 4:1-42. Jesus and the Samaritan Woman.

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Hansen, Michael, S.J. The Gospels for Prayer. Ave Maria Press, Inc., United States of America, 2003.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day ONE Here I am, Lord

2008-08-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

Located only 15 minutes driving from Melbourne CBD, Campion Retreat Centre in Kew is as beautiful as I expected. I was greeted by Ms. Marlene Marburg, my spiritual director, who also wrote me a lovely welcome letter. My room is #21, next to the rear door to the labyrinth and gardens. The view is fantastic as well. Perfect.

This is my fourth retreat so far. My first one was when I was in the 6th grade, the second was during my high school time, and the third was about nine years ago when I was in the college. My decision to join this retreat came up only a month ago. So I rushed searching on retreat centres in Australia, booked an airline ticket, reserved hotel (I still have to stay in hotel for some days though), called a shuttle bus from/to airport, reserved Campion for my retreat, got all the confirmations, and done. Thank God I still have my Australian visa valid.

I did plan many things during this retreat. A seven-day rosary, lectio divina, and personal prayer in the chapel were only some of them. I also have to see my spiritual director tomorrow at 9.30AM, Monday at 10.15AM and Wednesday at the same time. I am actually a bit blur this very moment, maybe because this is the eve of my big birthday and I don’t know what to do next. But let’s just see la.

~*~*~

I met another retreatants on the dinner. We had a big chunk of pink salmon and generous amount of chips, fresh raw veggies were also served. I don’t know how the chef made that creamy merinque tart for the desert but it’s sooo yummy. After dinner, a group of Redemptorist Vietnamese Priests were also coming. They are very lively, laughing and joking most of the times. If I hadn’t knew that they were priests I probably assume that they were just some guys.

As I walked on the corridor back to my room, I was feeling a bit lonely. This is the longest holiday of my own, I had always been with family or friends on vacations. Well, I did go to some places by myself and I also live alone in Singapore for these last couple of years, but those are different I think. I did mix this holiday with a skiing trip to Mt. Buller and shopping fiesta in Spencer St. later on. So I must say to myself that this’s going to be a wonderful time for me! Yay!

The seven-day rosary that I’m going to say tonight is about The Sorrowful Mysteries. Today is Friday, so every Fridays and Tuesdays and also everyday during the Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday, the said rosary is about the process of The Crucifixition of Jesus. The five mysteries for Sorrowful Mysteries are: Agony in the Garden, Scourging at the Pillar, Crowning with Thorns, Carrying of the Cross, and The Crucifixition. When in Singapore, I always say the rosary in English because it is said usually before the weekday mass together with other parishioners, but when I’m alone I always say it in Indonesian and I have this wonderful pocket book of seven-day rosary (Indonesian edition) to company me along the way. Hope I can finish it for the whole seven-day! I did plan to read more scriptures after the rosary but I just can’t help my eyes so I decided to just finish it and have some sleep.

Tomorrow is a big day.

♪♪“... Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart.”♪♪

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
“We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.”~Mother Teresa

Being alone in a strange place - far away from the place that you wished to be, isn’t a nicest moment in your life, but if you had decided to do that or probably stucked in that very moment - don’t look back, move on... enjoy your loneliness. Breathing slowly in silence, and listen... as God knocks very slowly most of the times.

I’m praying for my retreat to be succeed. For whatever the result is or what am I going to be after this, I know that the only thing I must do these days is to ‘let go and let God’

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
I am only human
I am just a woman
Help me believe what I could be and all that I am
Show me the stairway, I have to climb
Lord for my sake teach me to take one day at a time

One day at a time Sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from you
Just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do
Yesterday’s gone Sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine
Lord help me today show me the way one day at a time

Do you remember when you walked among men
Well Jesus you know if you’re looking below
It’s worst now than then
Cheating and stealing, violance and crime
So for my sake Lord teach me to take one day at a time

Readings of the day:
o Mark 14:38. And He said to them, “Keep watch, and pray that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
o Luke 9:23-24. And he said to them all, “If you want to come with me, you must forget yourself, take up your cross every day, and follow me. For if you want to save your life, you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my sake, you will save it.”
o Matthew 6:19-21. Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Sources:
o Duchane, Sangeet. The Little Book of Mother Teresa. Barnes & Nobles, Inc., Singapore, 2004.
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

.::a Retreat::.

Year of St. Paul, Valentine's Day Eve, and Doraemon Valentine's Greetings

Welcome Back, Audia...

2009 Resolution

New Year 2009's Mass

Christmas Intermezzo

I am home for Christmas... Happy X'mas All!

I welcome myself...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

My Journey to South: Friday-Nite Episode

Matthew 19:26

My Journey to South: Episode 3

The Simple Woman's Daybook

My Journey to South: Episode 1

Day 3 - SHB Retreat

Day 2 - SHB Retreat

Day 1 - SHB Retreat

Day S*E*V*E*NThe Power of Your Love

Day S*I*XHope for Healing

Day F*I*V*E The Calling

Day F*O*U*R Live Abundantly

Day T*H*R*E*E Beyond Love

Day T*W*O Searching for God's Will

Day O*N*E Here I am, Lord

Day SEVENThe Power of Your Love

Day SIXHope for Healing

Day FIV*E The Calling

Day FOU*R Live Abundantly

Day THREE Beyond Love

Day TWO Searching for God's Will

Day ONE Here I am, Lord