Day 1 - SHB Retreat

Seminar Hidup Baru (SHB) 2008 - Seminar for A New Life 2008.

Topic: Feel His Presence

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I saw the poster about a month ago in Holy Spirit Church -Upper Thompson Rd. Honestly, I wasn't really excited of having another retreat this year but still I noted the contact persons and thought of calling them later on. I did call them in couple of days but had not enrol myself to this retreat. I asked this and that, and ended telling them that "I'll let you know later".

That was it.

Two weeks after that when I was having my Hari Raya holiday in Jakarta, I got a feeling that I must do this. I m-u-s-t join this seminar. So I quickly smsed one of the contact person and registered myself into the program.

This SHB was initiated by KKiHS (Karismatik Katolik Indonesia Holy Spirit). KKiHS is a Charismatic Catholic community for Indonesian people in Singapore. Most of their activites are held in Holy Spirit church. I'm not a member anyway, though' once or twice I come to their Indonesian language mass every first Sunday at 3.30pm. As this one is a stay-in retreat, so it was conducted at the Retreat House of Church Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM), 24 Highland Rd. The program started at 6.30pm on Friday 10 October to lunch time on Sunday 12 October 2008.

Challenges began only two days before the retreat. I didn't know what's got into me, but I felt reluctant to go, I hadn't packed a thing until 2 hours before the SHB started. I even thought of canceling and just stay home for the weekend. I was really in doubt.

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When I finally arrived at the retreat house at around 7.15pm, all retreatants were still busy doing re-registration, I thought I was late and missed half of the opening mass... but God had waited, so I quickly grabbed the sheet and pillow cover provided and ran to the dormitory.






The IHM retreat house is a three storey dormitory-style building. I was in the Room No. 1 and there were about 21 girls staying in the same room.

I had to sleep in a bunk bed... it's been decades since I slept in that kind of bed; and I weigh twice as well >.<

Thank God the lower bed still available.

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The mass finally began at 7.30pm. The atmosphere of Catholic Charismatic were on the air: the vibrant singing, clapping and raising hands, lively preaching, and glossolalia (speaking in tongues). That wasn't my first of listening people doing glossolalia, tho' I don't really believe on that but I don't reject it either. I respect in any ways of praying.

But I was still feeling flat even after the mass.

*The mass held in the IHM church Badminton hall

We had dinner after mass and at that time it was around 9pm.

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The adoration followed after that and finally my heart had been opened a bit. My first encounter of adoration was when I attended Saturday sunset mass at my parish church in Singapore. Being a Catholic since born it's quite strange that I had never heard of adoration before three years ago. I used to be a non-devoted Catholic, I attended mass only when I wanted it to... I just didn't have time for God before and I do regret having that kind of feeling. Ok, to cut the story short, I'm now in the process of being a good Catholic and I honour every bits and pieces of that process.

Back to adoration. Adoration is a sign of devotion to and worship of Jesus Christ. We Catholics believe that Jesus' presence in Eucharist is under the appearance of consecrated hosts = Bread and Wine. The Eucharist is sometimes called as Eucharist Adoration. Besides it, Catholics also do the Perpetual Adoration when the Blessed Sacrament (host/bread/communion) is placed in a monstrance. The word monstrance comes from the Latin word monstrare which means "to show". It is the vessel used to display the consecrated host. The monstrance then is placed in front of the tabernacle (the box that holds the monstrance and consecrated hosts) or altar in church for adoration.

Pictures of the monstrance:

The way we do in Perpetual Adoration is different from what in Eucharist. In this adoration, it is the time for us alone with Jesus as His True Presence is in the host of the centre of the monstrance. I know, it is so hard to understand and somehow it is beyond our belief. Even for us Catholics. For me, it is not the monstrance or host that I praise and devote to, I don't praise nor pray to the thing - I pray to The Father through Jesus and ask The Holy Spirit to guide me all the way. The host in monstrance is a visual symbol of His True Presence.

So it is wrong if people say that Catholics pray and worship the religious statues. I do kneel and bow in front of the altar not because I worship the statue but because I know that the tabernacle in the altar holds the Blessed Sacrament that presenting Jesus. I do pray in front of Mother Mary statue or picture, but that's not because I worship the statue or picture of Mother Mary. Sometimes people also wonder why Catholics pray to Mother Mary. I pray to Mother Mary as my respect to her as the mother of Jesus. If we regularly say the rosary or pray Hail Mary, we must know that we actually ask her to pray for us... "Holy Mary, Mother of God... pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death".

We can say that people worship statues if they can't no longer pray if their particular statue is gone missing or broken. Let's say if one claim that "I only want to pray with this cross or that statue and I can't pray if that cross or statue is not there"... that we have to put on question marks.

Religion is something that we acknowledge with our heart not with our mind and it is beyond our intelligence.

In this retreat, the adoration was very amazing. We sat on the floor in a lotus position, the singers were singing Catholic adoration hymns, we prayed and sang together, and finally the priest blessed each one of us by holding the monstrance.

I went to bed feeling good. I knew that God invited me to come and join this retreat so I didn't want to let Him down. I had to do this until the end; in which another 1,5 days to come. It's absolutely harder than my retreat in Campion but I didn't walk alone. I could feel His presence that night, and I wanted to have that feeling for the rest of my life.