What is my discernment? Is this the right thing to do? Is Theology truly my thing? What am I gonna do after that? Will I be the same person when I return? Will I be survive?
Those questions have been flying over my head again and again, circling around like a fainted cartoon character (*with those stars around the head, remember?), repeatedly on and on as if I mistakenly push the song-repeat button in my winamp. I wish I can easily push the stop button to make those questions stop singing in my ear.
... and in addition to the persistent questions for my discernment, my empty feeling this nowadays has added the cloud in my head even thicker.
I have no idea what to do!... And I hate it when I'm feeling like that!
Somehow I think I'm losing my hope and reasons for doing this. But I don't want to give up Theology, I know and realize that this is what I want... but I just don't have any endurance for this hardship of mine.
I feel empty. And stuck.
"Well then, if you say that you don't want to give it up (*Theology) it actually means you still hold on to God as your One and Only hope..." suddenly a nice voice whispering in my ear. "You just have to stand firm and have faith..."
Have faith...
That is probably something that I'm lacking off lately, my faith, which has hidden at the very bottom of my heart and therefore leads me easily into an empty feeling and a saga of losing hope and reasons for my intentions. Nah!
Gotta have my faith back, and put up in the surface of my heart... For God still wait for me exactly there while I travel around to every corner*.
*I always love the quote of 'There is always something better waiting around the corner', and I put my search around the corner ever since. Just recently I got the answer that the One who keep waiting for me in the corner is actually God Himself... I've mistakenly thought of some particular persons who might be waiting for me... but I was wrong. God has waited for me to answer His call...
