I got up around 9.30AM, felt very cold and saw it’s raining outside. Aha. So I wouldn’t feel that guilty for not going to church. ☺
I took a quick shower, put some make-up on, and sat quietly in the chapel. The group of Redemptorist Priests was having a private mass in the next room, they were singing very lovely and I love listening to it. It made my communication with God even more deeper.
♪♪“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy burdened, and I shall give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart. And you’ll find rest for your souls. Yes my yoke is easy and my burden is light...”♪♪
What do you want from me God?
what
is
it
God?
I still find no answer.
I decided to have a walk after lunch. The wind was very strong and I saw nobody on the street, it was freezingly cold. So I turned back to Campion, had some hot drinks in the pantry and saw Alison – the other retreatant, we talked for a while and got back to the room.
I am quite blank today. This is my third day in Campion and it seems like I'm still blur and messed up. But then I remember Marlene told me that I came here to rest for a while so I can't put too much pressure on me and let God touch me in His unique way. Okay.
So I am here to relax and rest. And pray.
A lot.
I walked to the library and borrowed a book which was written by my spiritual director. It’s called ‘an ordinary woman’. I wasn’t really in the mood of reading something but there this poem of her that caught my attention:
“What does it feel like to
love others so much that
their joys and sorows
become your own?
This is ordinary love
which has the power to
transform both the lover
and the loved.”
I know loving someone can be quite hard and painful, and in the meantime also joyful and extremely beautiful. But in my stage; I don’t look for ordinary love anymore, I’m looking for something above it all. Beyond Love. I’m looking for the ultimate Love - God’s love for me. I want to be loved by God, I want to feel it... I need to feel it... abudantly.
I know God loves me so much that He set my life so perfectly like this but I need to keep feeling it for the rest of my life. I wish to trust Jesus with all my heart and soul, forever. I need God’s love to be able to live. I want the eternal love of God flaming in my heart for as long as I live. And I’m going to work hard on it. For me, God’s love means Faith. When you know you are loved, you will be able to do anything... and when you know you are loved by God, you will be able to believe in miracles. Miracles happen to those who believe in God and nothing is impossible in God’s magical hands.
~*~*~
I got a beautiful story from a friend which we can also find this amazing story all over the world wide web, but I think I'm going to put it in here to remind me of how important love in our life.
Once there was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
o0o
This is how human brain changes when the status changed. Life is A Gift.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
Today, before you think of saying unkind and rude words - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out for a companion.
Before you complain about life - Think of someone who had died and went too early to heaven/hell.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
When you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift- Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.
The moral of the story:
It is love that makes us able to see without the eyes of our own. For the blindness of the heart is the most frightening. Be grateful of everything and don't forget those who have done a lot for you. Never let your hatred and desperation surround you, for that will make your life even worse. Life is better when we think it is. Be able to love… as what the Bible said: love God and your neighbor as well.
~*~*~
I prayed again the chapel before dinner. I knew that I’d be having a dinner alone since everybody was leaving but that’s okay for me. I had two big chicken drumsticks, potato wedges, grilled carrot and green peas. The chef made me a caramel pudding for desert which I mixed with two scoops of Bulla vanilla ice cream. This retreat place is incredibly generous in terms of food. Many kind of breads, spreads, cereals, biscuits, teas, coffees, chocolate powder, milk (and non-fat milk!), fruits, and juices, are available around the clock. Lunch and dinner are usually big meals like grilled chicken, huge mushroom omelette, croissant sandwich, and many more. Oh, and I love their sweet potato soup which is served daily on lunch. It’s perfect for this cold weather.
I brought my own stocks just in case. But those are untouchable since I am so well fed here.
Again for the rosary (this is my third day), I’m going to say the Glorious Mysteries tonight: The Ressurrection, The Ascension, The Descent of the Holy Spirit, The Assumption, and The Coronation of The Blessed Virgin Mary.
~~~***~~~
Review of the day:
“You want to seek God with all your life,
and to love Him with all your heart.
But you would be wrong
if you thought you could reach Him.
Your arms are too short, your eyes are too dim,
Your heart and understanding too small.
To seek God
means first of all
to let yourself be found by Him…
He is your God,
not because He is yours
but because you are His.”*
*taken from the green leaflet in St. Francis Church, 326 Lonsdale St. Melbourne, Australia, 3000. Composed by Father Edward Wood, SSS.
Love me, God. Find me, God.
Draw me near into Your dwelling place... for my soul is thirsting for You
Readings of the day:
o 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. Love.
o Psalms 23:1. The Lord is my Shepherd; I have everything I need.
o Proverbs 16:1. We may make our plans, but God has the last word.
o 1 Timothy 1:5. Love comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
o Matthew 11:28-30. “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.
o Marburg, Marlene. An Ordinary Woman. Windsor Scroll Publishing, Doncaster, Australia, 2005.
o The Catholic Youth Bible, International Edition. Saint Mary’s Press, USA, 2004.
