Last night was very cold. I even slept with my homeboots on.
I’d never imagined that Melbourne can be this freezing in winter. I looked out of the window and saw the water dripping in the gardens outside. It’s raining again. Today is Monday, this probably the first Monday since the last couple of years which I don’t have to rush for work and think about things to do for the whole week. I feel a bit weird. I had never such a Monday like this. I do have vacations couple of times a year but somehow this time is different. I had never left my work like this before, and even my colleagues didn’t call me either. I checked e-mail through my mobile everyday, and none about the work. Isn’t it even more weird?
But I know that God has given me the time to pray and focus on myself.
I came to see my spiritual director this morning. We talked a lot. She inspired me in many ways, and I wish to do what she’s doing right now. I wish to be a teacher, a lecturer, a spiritual director as well as a writer and poet.
I pray that my path is there.
She gave me this pastel yellow paper with beautiful words about ‘Tuning in to God’:
- That prayer is God’s initiative, not our achievement.
- That prayer is about listening, more than about talking.
- That prayer is about receiving, more than about asking for.
- That prayer is about coming to rest in the direction of God.
I am now in this place - I am coming to rest in the direction of God.
I am now in that prayer.
I walked around in the neighborhood after lunch. The weather still very cold, but I decided to go out taking some good pictures. The hilly roads of Kew are still a big challenge for me but it wasn’t as hard as the first time I climbed those steep roads. I went back to Campion after around 30 minutes outside. 
After walking, I took a nap for a while, flipped over some good books, said an evening prayer in the chapel, and had my dinner. We had rice this time! Rice. R-i-c-e. I missed having rice in my meal. For these last four days in here I only had bread and potato, somehow my Asian stomach was not really satisfied with those. Hehe. But this time I got rice. How lucky I am. God did worked in a mysterious way. Earlier at lunch I was just thinking how I missed rice in my meal. But then my thinking had been answered in only hours. I smiled and thanked God for this rice dinner, and kept on smiling while eating.
~*~*~
I’ve got this beautiful poem from my spiritual director after meeting her earlier today.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Each one of us has our own reasons for fruition
You can only grow if you are imperfect
So give thanks for imperfection
Rejoice in who you are.. in the realisation that each of us has our own rhythms...
Each one of us has our own seasons...
Each one of us has our own time...
And the only thing that is important for us is not to say,
‘Where am I?’ in respect to an ideal for there is no ideal.
The only ideal (if there is an ideal) is the acceptance of oneself...
It is to be nothing else than oneself today... as child... in wonderment... totally accepting ourselves with all blockages and all wounds – but with trusting!
There is not something we have to be tomorrow: there is just, to be who we are, TODAY.
by Jean Vanier
That is so beautiful! I read it couple of times and still wonder why that poem can be so right for me. Mrs. Marburg told me not to put pressure on myself, yes I have to be gentle to myself. I am a very ambitious, organized, well-planned, knowledge-oriented... kind of person. I like everything under (my) control. I like to lead people. And I can’t be relaxed because of that. I’d probably been seen as an easy-going and friendly person, but I actually can’t stop thinking and planning on something in my mind. That is even scarier than a workaholic. I have to let my brain relaxed. I have to let my mind thinking on something else beside what I have to be tomorrow. Just be who I am – for today. Maybe that’s why God drew me here to this place. So I can just relax, have some good sleep, eat healthy food, exercise a lot, pray a lot, read some inspiring books and many things that will give me joy that I didn’t expect... what a wonderful life!
== I have to admit that I’m very sleepy ( = lazy) to do my rosary tonight. But I promised to God and I know it’s my faithfulness that counts not the result. I’m going to say the Joyful Mysteries: The Annunciation, The Visitation, The Nativity, The Presentation, and Finding in The Temple.
~~~***~~~
Review of the day:
Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ~Charles Dickens.
When’s the last time you watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain as it tickled the ground?
Have you followed a butterfly’s erratic flight,
stood and gazed at the sun as it faded to night?
You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.
Do you rush through each day as if on the fly,
never catch up however you try?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.
Have you ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow?”
And in your haste, not seen her sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
because you never had time to call and say “Hi”?
You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.
When you’re running so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift just thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
Life is not a race.
Do take a moment to just sit in the church,
to breathe in and out
to scent the fresh air
to listen to God
to feel His presence
to let Him fill your heart with compassion
to let Him fill your life with abundant love
to let Him hold you in the palm of His safe hands...
I want to live abundantly in the palm of God's safe hands
Readings of the day:
o Ecclesiastes 7:14. When things are going well for you, be glad, and when trouble comes, just remember: God sends both happiness and trouble; you never know what is going to happen next.
o John 10:10. Abundant life.
o John 8:32,36. The truth will set you free. If the Son sets you free, then you will really free.
o Proverbs 16:24. Kind words are like honey – sweet to the taste and good for your health.
o Psalms 139. God’s Complete Knowledge and Care.
Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Hansen, Michael, S.J. The Gospels for Prayer. Ave Maria Press, Inc., United States of America, 2003.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.
