Day S*E*V*E*NThe Power of Your Love

♫ Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed renewed
Flowing from the grace that I found
In You

Lord I've come to know
The weakness I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side

And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love as You live
In me

Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side ♫

Today is my seventh day in Campion, and I'm going back to the city after lunch. Mixed feelings. It was so hard to even get up this morning.

I will miss this... miss the chapel, the view from the dining room, the food, the comfy duvet and pillow, the garden, the poems from Marlene... I will miss Campion, I will miss this birthday retreat.

I'm going to set an annual retreat for me starting from this year, it shouldn't be on every birthday but at least I will have a religious retreat once a year.

~*~*~

I went down to Marlene's office, and gave her my thank you letter. We talked a bit and she wished me the very best. I was still in the mixed feelings. I had my lunch quietly and sat in the chapel after that. I brought my rosary with me and said the seventh day rosary. It was about the mystery of the Eucharist (Jesus feeds five thousands, Jesus the living Bread, Jesus the Bread of life, the Lord's supper, and the body and blood of Christ).

~*~*~

I glided myself along the path in Hodgson St., still in Kew, waiting for the taxi to bring me back to the city. I felt cold breeze all over my face... it was too cold. I decided to keep walking. Carving my footprints along the way. I looked back and saw nothing in the pathway. I felt empty.

In five days I'll be leaving this southern hemisphere and heading back to the tropical cities where my heart resides. Singapore. Jakarta. Will Melbourne come afterward? I don't know... But I do want to... so much. I looked up to the big blue sky of Kew, sighing and wishing for a supernatural sign when I heard the horn from somewhere. I noticed the yellow vehicle coming. My taxi.

I left Campion feeling sad, -or was it just my anxiety of getting back to real life? I didn't know.

I smiled to the driver and gave him the address where I headed to. It was started to rain when the van left the gate. The atmosphere was just perfect for a drama. A car left. Luggages loaded. Raining. Sad moments. Melancholy instrumental score. A long sigh...

I got off in front of the apartment I rented for the next five days. I took a lift to the fifth floor, brought two big suitcases in my hands, swiped the key, pushed the luggages in, closed the door and laid myself in bed - with my sneakers on.

What will my life be after this? Will I be ready to leave my work and everything that I've done so far? Will I be confident enough to leave Singapore and move south?

I got up after napping for an hour and went down to the next door of the building. An Indonesian Restaurant. I ordered grilled squid with rice and sat by the window. I took one of the Indonesian newspaper provided, and suddenly missing Jakarta so much. But I'm still not ready to come back for good - not yet. Time will tell.

I was about to flip another page when my order came. Piping hot grilled baby squids with fragrant steamed rice. Looked tempting.

There's nothing better than a delicious hometown cooking in this cold winter Melbourne...

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:

Thanksgiving Prayer:

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

For the wonderful seven days in Campion,
For the unforgettable birthday celebration,
For the quiet chapel for me to pray,
For the freshly after-the-rain smell in the garden,
For the nice people in here who understand,
For the comfort room and bed – ever,
For the delicious food spread,
For the superb view from the dining room,
For the good books I found,
For the inspired songs I heard,
For everything You have given me; today, these seven days, last month, last year, last 10 years, when I was born, a teenager, a young adult, in forever and later…
I bow my head and say...

Thank You, God

Readings of the day:
o Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way.
o Luke 1:26-38. The birth of Jesus is announced.
o Luke 1:38. Mary’s “yes” to God: “I am the Lord’s servant,” said Mary; “may it happen to me as you have said.”

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day S*I*XHope for Healing

Another freezy morning. I got up, updated the blog, took a long hot shower, and up to the dining room for a breakfast.

I got some plans to do today but God has the last word so I would start by sitting quietly in the chapel and let God leads me throughout the day. I brought a book with me, called Hope for Healing by George Leach. I have no idea what this book has to offer but the title sounds interesting.

It is interesting. I read it halfway until lunchtime and was mesmerized by the power of the writings in this book. I love the way it described God as our ultimate healer; through the scriptures about Jesus as the real action of God’s healing for us, through the real life people that has been healed, and through the world that is going around. There are some inspiring poems in the book which guide me to the rhythm of God’s tender messages for me. I want to be healed. I want to be a healer for people. I put my hope for a healing.

I’m glad I found this book.

So much personal suffering and hidden pain exist around us, indeed in many of us. Admit or not to admit; our world needs so much healing, our country needs so much healing, we need so much healing. We all need to be healed and we can be somebody else’s healer. But how?

I believe that healing is the action of love. If we can feel ‘the love’, we can be healed and be a healer. Love is not only expressed through a relationship between human being but also through any bits and pieces of this world. If we love our world – our country, we will do something. We will do something for it, we will begin to realize that we are a part of it and we want it to be healed. If we are a healer for our world – for our country, as a part of it – we will be healed as well. We may be doing something that is invisible and resulting no greater effect, but believe me that no action is too small if we are doing it with love.

We are probably thinking that doing something for the country or the world is way beyond imagination, but how about the healing for our neighbor? There are so many wounded people around us. They need to be healed and we can help them to be a healer.

The inspiring poems in the book I mentioned earlier, some can be read below:

Page 84.

There is so much pain around us, an aching in all
Cultures are shifting; countries are struggling;
families are paining; individuals are suffering;
the change and flux is gigantic.
What do we do?

There is a natural tendency to avoid pain,
to pop a pill for everything,
to ignore suffering in others,
to withdraw,
to build my own little world.

There is another stirring in our heart,
another call from within to with-out.

There is another invitation to live, not just with,
but beyond personal pain.
to work, not just for the outcast, but to love Him.
ebb and flow...
ascending and descending...
in and out...
to pray about,
around,
through these sufferings.


Page 87.

The call for each of us is the same mystery of love---
Living and dying,
Giving and reviving,
Aching and rejoicing,
Of having sighs that come straight from our hearts,
Of feeling the cost and the joy of love.


~*~*~

I had the last session with Marlene earlier this morning. She gave me some beautiful poems and a thank you card. Later on when I was in the chapel, she dropped by and gave me a CD full of beautiful and inspiring songs. I feel guilty for not giving her anything. I did wrote her a thank you letter which I’m going to slip on her office door tomorrow, but I should have given her a souvenir or something. But that’s okay, if I’m going to live in Melbourne for studying Spirituality and Theology, I’ll be seeing her again and I can give her that souvenir.

~*~*~

I went to Carmelites Monastery to pray in their beautiful garden before lunch.

I love walking in this neighborhood. Yes it’s windy and freezing, but I just love it. If I tired walking then I just stop, looking at the big blue sky of Melbourne, or seeing the Melbourne skycrappers. Kew is on the east side and because of its hilly land structure, we can see the CBD skycrappers from here. It’s a very beautiful view, especially at night. It’s too bad my compact camera isn’t able to capture the night scene otherwise I can have some pictures of beautiful night lights from the Melbourne city.

~*~*~

I went up to the rooftop balcony after lunch. I brought a cuppa with me. It was soooo beautiful. I wish I don't have to go back to city tomorrow.

~*~*~

The Rosary tonight is about Jesus the Healer (Jesus heals a paralyzed man, a woman who had suffered terribly from severe bleeding, a man born blind, a woman caught in adultery, and a boy with a demon).

Jesus is our perfect example as a healer.

Discover the gentle movement that is going on inside us all the time.
Discover the many ways of loving and receiving love.
Discover the many ways that Jesus, the gentle healer, is trying to love us.
Discover His call to a freedom, a healing that will allow us to love....
a healing that will call us to be gentle healers with Him, like Him.*

*Page 45. Hope for Healing.

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
I am a kind of person who always buy everything under a warranty. I hate black-market products and avoid to purchase anything which come without any assurance on it. I just want to buy safe. If something happen then I will just go to the manufacturer and have it repaired. I know sometimes not all products are given with a reliable post purchase behaviour, but at least having a warranty product will reduce our headache.

That reflects on our life as well. Do we consider a warranty for our life? Or we just don’t care about that – taking short cuts for cheaper and easier things to get? How about if we are broken down? Where do we go for a repair? Who’s our manufacturer?

One possible result of a prayer is healing Get a warranty of life and get yourself repaired healed

Readings of the day:
o Psalms 131. Lord, I have given up my pride and turned away from my arrogance. I am not concerned with great matters or with subjects too difficult for me. Instead, I am content and at peace. As a child lies quietly in its mother’s arms, so my heart is quiet within me. Audia*, trust in the Lord now and forever!
o Acts 17:25,27-28. He himself gives all men life and breath and everything else... so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being.
o Luke 6:27-31. “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone hits you on one cheek, let him hit the other one too; if someone takes your coat, let him have your shirt as well. Give to everyone who asks you for something, and when someone takes what is yours, do not ask for it back. Do for others just what you want them to do for you.”
o Luke 6:26-38. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you. Give to others, and God will give to you. Indeed, you will receive a full measure, a generous helping, poured into your hands – all that you can hold. The measure you use for others is the one that God will use for you.”

*Original version: Psalm 131:3. Israel, trust in the Lord now and forever!

Sources:
o Broyles, Sharon. Strength for Today, Daily Devotions for the Chronically Ill. HarperCollins Publishers, United States of America, 1993.
o Holy Bible, New Revised Standard Version, Cross Reference Edition with The Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical Books. HarperCollins Publishers, London, 1998.
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Leach, George. Hope for Healing, An Invitation to Hope and Healing through personal and social relationship. Daniel Books of Toronto, Toronto, 1978.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day F*I*V*E The Calling

I came to realisation that there are three callings in this life: marriage, single or celibacy. None is better than the others. All are equally great before God. Our social relationship with others would make our calling hidden under those cultural traditions and family demands. We have to know what we really really need, we have to know our deepest desires, we have to know what we want... Based on those needs, desires and wants you will be able to encounter your calling into further step.

Discernment. What is discernment?
Discernment is a process by which we are helped to come to a decision. This is very important to remember and consider when it comes to making life choices. Discern your vocation as person...

Do you need/desire/want to get married? Do you want a spouse? Children of your own? Family gathering once or twice a year? Are you ready to hold your ego and put the family at first? Are you tired of finding someone to company you to the party? Are you afraid of sleeping alone at night? You hate going home to an empty place? Or you think your clock is tickling and you need to release it urgently? If most your answers to those questions are ‘yes’ then yes! you need to get married.

Do you need/desire/want to stay single? Do you love your freedom above everything? You don’t mind going to the party alone? Are you an avid traveller and wanderlust? You love going places? Do you have a carrier=job that is not suited for a family type kind-a-person? Do you love being with your friends and party all night with them? Do you like your own good-sleep after a busy day? Are you happy with your life now eventhough you haven’t been in relationship for the last 10 years? You are okay of being alone in the park where most lovers are? If your answers are mostly yes to those question then a single life is probably what fit you best.

When it comes to a calling for celibacy, I’m not able to describe further about that in here because each individual has his/her own unique experience of this kind of calling. I read a book about ‘calling and chosen’ and I was mesmerized by the story of the priests whom were called and chosen; their beautiful journey to reach and search God’s will in them is something that only few people has it.

~*~*~

I walked around in the complex after lunch. Campion has a big huge garden and labyrinth which can use for personal prayer and contemplation.

~*~*~

The Rosary that I’m going to say tonight is The Mystery of Salvation (Jesus taught Nicodemus, A Good Shepherd, The Rich Man and The Kingdom of God, Jesus the Real Vine, and The Final Judgement). This will be my fifth day...

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
God has determined... that I should reach that which is my greatest happiness.
~Cardinal Newman

A prayer for discernment ~ Thomas Merton

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road.

Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me.
And you will never leave me to face my struggles alone.

I am going there... to my greatest happiness

Readings of the day:
o Deuteronomy 30:19. Choose life.
o Matthew 7:21. “Not everyone who calls me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only those who do what my father in heaven wants them to do.
o 1 Corinthians 10:31. “Well, whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do it all for God’s glory.”


Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.
o http://www.ozvocations.catholic.org.au

Day F*O*U*R Live Abundantly

“... I have come in order that you might have life – life in all its fullness.” John 10:10.


Last night was very cold. I even slept with my homeboots on.

I’d never imagined that Melbourne can be this freezing in winter. I looked out of the window and saw the water dripping in the gardens outside. It’s raining again. Today is Monday, this probably the first Monday since the last couple of years which I don’t have to rush for work and think about things to do for the whole week. I feel a bit weird. I had never such a Monday like this. I do have vacations couple of times a year but somehow this time is different. I had never left my work like this before, and even my colleagues didn’t call me either. I checked e-mail through my mobile everyday, and none about the work. Isn’t it even more weird?

But I know that God has given me the time to pray and focus on myself.

I came to see my spiritual director this morning. We talked a lot. She inspired me in many ways, and I wish to do what she’s doing right now. I wish to be a teacher, a lecturer, a spiritual director as well as a writer and poet.

I pray that my path is there.

She gave me this pastel yellow paper with beautiful words about ‘Tuning in to God’:
- That prayer is God’s initiative, not our achievement.
- That prayer is about listening, more than about talking.
- That prayer is about receiving, more than about asking for.
- That prayer is about coming to rest in the direction of God.

I am now in this place - I am coming to rest in the direction of God.
I am now in that prayer.

I walked around in the neighborhood after lunch. The weather still very cold, but I decided to go out taking some good pictures. The hilly roads of Kew are still a big challenge for me but it wasn’t as hard as the first time I climbed those steep roads. I went back to Campion after around 30 minutes outside.







After walking, I took a nap for a while, flipped over some good books, said an evening prayer in the chapel, and had my dinner. We had rice this time! Rice. R-i-c-e. I missed having rice in my meal. For these last four days in here I only had bread and potato, somehow my Asian stomach was not really satisfied with those. Hehe. But this time I got rice. How lucky I am. God did worked in a mysterious way. Earlier at lunch I was just thinking how I missed rice in my meal. But then my thinking had been answered in only hours. I smiled and thanked God for this rice dinner, and kept on smiling while eating.

~*~*~

I’ve got this beautiful poem from my spiritual director after meeting her earlier today.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Each one of us has our own reasons for fruition
You can only grow if you are imperfect
So give thanks for imperfection
Rejoice in who you are.. in the realisation that each of us has our own rhythms...
Each one of us has our own seasons...
Each one of us has our own time...
And the only thing that is important for us is not to say,
‘Where am I?’ in respect to an ideal for there is no ideal.
The only ideal (if there is an ideal) is the acceptance of oneself...
It is to be nothing else than oneself today... as child... in wonderment... totally accepting ourselves with all blockages and all wounds – but with trusting!
There is not something we have to be tomorrow: there is just, to be who we are, TODAY.

by Jean Vanier

That is so beautiful! I read it couple of times and still wonder why that poem can be so right for me. Mrs. Marburg told me not to put pressure on myself, yes I have to be gentle to myself. I am a very ambitious, organized, well-planned, knowledge-oriented... kind of person. I like everything under (my) control. I like to lead people. And I can’t be relaxed because of that. I’d probably been seen as an easy-going and friendly person, but I actually can’t stop thinking and planning on something in my mind. That is even scarier than a workaholic. I have to let my brain relaxed. I have to let my mind thinking on something else beside what I have to be tomorrow. Just be who I am – for today. Maybe that’s why God drew me here to this place. So I can just relax, have some good sleep, eat healthy food, exercise a lot, pray a lot, read some inspiring books and many things that will give me joy that I didn’t expect... what a wonderful life!

== I have to admit that I’m very sleepy ( = lazy) to do my rosary tonight. But I promised to God and I know it’s my faithfulness that counts not the result. I’m going to say the Joyful Mysteries: The Annunciation, The Visitation, The Nativity, The Presentation, and Finding in The Temple.

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ~Charles Dickens.

Poem of Life

When’s the last time you watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain as it tickled the ground?
Have you followed a butterfly’s erratic flight,
stood and gazed at the sun as it faded to night?

You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you rush through each day as if on the fly,
never catch up however you try?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Have you ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow?”
And in your haste, not seen her sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
because you never had time to call and say “Hi”?

You had better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

When you’re running so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift just thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Life is not a race.
Do take a moment to just sit in the church,
to breathe in and out
to scent the fresh air
to listen to God
to feel His presence
to let Him fill your heart with compassion
to let Him fill your life with abundant love
to let Him hold you in the palm of His safe hands...

I want to live abundantly in the palm of God's safe hands

Readings of the day:
o Ecclesiastes 7:14. When things are going well for you, be glad, and when trouble comes, just remember: God sends both happiness and trouble; you never know what is going to happen next.
o John 10:10. Abundant life.
o John 8:32,36. The truth will set you free. If the Son sets you free, then you will really free.
o Proverbs 16:24. Kind words are like honey – sweet to the taste and good for your health.
o Psalms 139. God’s Complete Knowledge and Care.

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Hansen, Michael, S.J. The Gospels for Prayer. Ave Maria Press, Inc., United States of America, 2003.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day T*H*R*E*E Beyond Love

I overslept. I missed the 8 AM Sunday mass in the Carmelites Monastery.

I got up around 9.30AM, felt very cold and saw it’s raining outside. Aha. So I wouldn’t feel that guilty for not going to church. ☺

I took a quick shower, put some make-up on, and sat quietly in the chapel. The group of Redemptorist Priests was having a private mass in the next room, they were singing very lovely and I love listening to it. It made my communication with God even more deeper.

♪♪“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy burdened, and I shall give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart. And you’ll find rest for your souls. Yes my yoke is easy and my burden is light...”♪♪

What do you want from me God?

what
is
it
God?

I still find no answer.

I decided to have a walk after lunch. The wind was very strong and I saw nobody on the street, it was freezingly cold. So I turned back to Campion, had some hot drinks in the pantry and saw Alison – the other retreatant, we talked for a while and got back to the room.


I am quite blank today. This is my third day in Campion and it seems like I'm still blur and messed up. But then I remember Marlene told me that I came here to rest for a while so I can't put too much pressure on me and let God touch me in His unique way. Okay.

So I am here to relax and rest. And pray.

A lot.

I walked to the library and borrowed a book which was written by my spiritual director. It’s called ‘an ordinary woman’. I wasn’t really in the mood of reading something but there this poem of her that caught my attention:
“What does it feel like to
love others so much that
their joys and sorows
become your own?
This is ordinary love
which has the power to
transform both the lover
and the loved.”

I know loving someone can be quite hard and painful, and in the meantime also joyful and extremely beautiful. But in my stage; I don’t look for ordinary love anymore, I’m looking for something above it all. Beyond Love. I’m looking for the ultimate Love - God’s love for me. I want to be loved by God, I want to feel it... I need to feel it... abudantly.

I know God loves me so much that He set my life so perfectly like this but I need to keep feeling it for the rest of my life. I wish to trust Jesus with all my heart and soul, forever. I need God’s love to be able to live. I want the eternal love of God flaming in my heart for as long as I live. And I’m going to work hard on it. For me, God’s love means Faith. When you know you are loved, you will be able to do anything... and when you know you are loved by God, you will be able to believe in miracles. Miracles happen to those who believe in God and nothing is impossible in God’s magical hands.

~*~*~

I got a beautiful story from a friend which we can also find this amazing story all over the world wide web, but I think I'm going to put it in here to remind me of how important love in our life.

Once there was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

o0o

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life is A Gift.

Today, before you think of saying unkind and rude words - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out for a companion.
Before you complain about life - Think of someone who had died and went too early to heaven/hell.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
When you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift- Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.

The moral of the story:
It is love that makes us able to see without the eyes of our own. For the blindness of the heart is the most frightening. Be grateful of everything and don't forget those who have done a lot for you. Never let your hatred and desperation surround you, for that will make your life even worse. Life is better when we think it is. Be able to love… as what the Bible said: love God and your neighbor as well.

~*~*~

I prayed again the chapel before dinner. I knew that I’d be having a dinner alone since everybody was leaving but that’s okay for me. I had two big chicken drumsticks, potato wedges, grilled carrot and green peas. The chef made me a caramel pudding for desert which I mixed with two scoops of Bulla vanilla ice cream. This retreat place is incredibly generous in terms of food. Many kind of breads, spreads, cereals, biscuits, teas, coffees, chocolate powder, milk (and non-fat milk!), fruits, and juices, are available around the clock. Lunch and dinner are usually big meals like grilled chicken, huge mushroom omelette, croissant sandwich, and many more. Oh, and I love their sweet potato soup which is served daily on lunch. It’s perfect for this cold weather.

I brought my own stocks just in case. But those are untouchable since I am so well fed here.

Again for the rosary (this is my third day), I’m going to say the Glorious Mysteries tonight: The Ressurrection, The Ascension, The Descent of the Holy Spirit, The Assumption, and The Coronation of The Blessed Virgin Mary.

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
“You want to seek God with all your life,
and to love Him with all your heart.
But you would be wrong
if you thought you could reach Him.
Your arms are too short, your eyes are too dim,
Your heart and understanding too small.
To seek God
means first of all
to let yourself be found by Him…
He is your God,
not because He is yours
but because you are His.”*

*taken from the green leaflet in St. Francis Church, 326 Lonsdale St. Melbourne, Australia, 3000. Composed by Father Edward Wood, SSS.

Love me, God. Find me, God. Draw me near into Your dwelling place... for my soul is thirsting for You

Readings of the day:
o 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. Love.
o Psalms 23:1. The Lord is my Shepherd; I have everything I need.
o Proverbs 16:1. We may make our plans, but God has the last word.
o 1 Timothy 1:5. Love comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
o Matthew 11:28-30. “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.
o Marburg, Marlene. An Ordinary Woman. Windsor Scroll Publishing, Doncaster, Australia, 2005.
o The Catholic Youth Bible, International Edition. Saint Mary’s Press, USA, 2004.

Day T*W*O Searching for God's Will

I woke up at 3 AM in the morning wondering where was I, and suddenly remembered that today is the day!

I couldn’t get up and kneel to pray for my birthday so I only made a cross sign, said some personal prayer, and back to sleep.

I woke up again at around 8 AM, got up very quickly, took a shower, had my breakfast, prayed in the chapel, and went down to see Marlene. I spent an hour in her office. I had no idea of sharing anything with her actually, but she did asked me what brought me here and what am I expecting from this retreat. I told her that my first idea was only to have something different for this year’s birthday. The idea was became wider as I am also searching for God’s will for me. “I wish God would speak to me, in any ways, in anything... ” that’s what I told Marlene what I am expecting for. She listened to me very carefully, gave me some information about praying methods, and finally she read me a beautiful passage from John 4: 1-42 about The Living Water, a story of Jesus and the Samaritan Woman. She asked me to imagine the situation while she was reading the scriptures, I’m not that imaginary person actually, but I was trying hard and Marlene said that it was good as a beginner. :)

I must say that I felt a bit empty and dry this morning. I met Marlene with flat flat feelings. But soon after she began talking and sharing, I felt passion emerging from my heart. I began asking on how she prays, and after that words just came out from my mouth like water. She also suggested me to walk around in the neighborhood - Yarra Bend garden and Yarra river. I love walking in the gardens. “There’s one lovely coffeeshop next to the river,” she said. How can she know that I lurve coffeeshop?

So instead of going to the gardens or coffeeshop, I went to Carmelite Monastery. This monastery is only 10 minutes away from Campion, but it was a bit challenging walking there.

First was the weather, it was so cold and windy, and somehow I just couldn’t walk fast in this cold winter season. I love walking so much, and living in Singapore forces me to walk and walk. But Singapore is different from Melbourne, the structure of the roads in Singapore is just easy for me to walk a kilometer without being tired or losing my breath. But in Melbourne (...sigh), the roads are unbelievably sloping. There are some roads in the CBD like Bourke St or Elizabeth St. which are quite ok to walk but most of them are steeping ups and downs. So the second problem was the contour of the road.

I arrived in the Monastery for a midday Saturday mass at 11.30 AM. I met this wonderful nun who showed me the way to the church.

As I entered the big steel church door and drew my hand to the holy water to make a cross sign, I was amazed by the interior of the church. I had never been into such a beautiful church like this one. It felt like I was in somewhere else, not in Kew nor in Melbourne, I was feeling that I must be daydreaming and flew to Italy or France and sitting in their historical church. But no, I’m in here in Kew. This Carmelite Monastery’s church isn’t big, but it’s so lovely and warm. The walls are covered with paintings of Jesus, Mary and the angels. The seatings are single chairs made from old wood which become very noisy when someone sits on it. They also have the candle section next to the figurine of the sacred body of St. Bernadette. The Altar is incredibly amazing, on the left is the place for choir which all the Carmelites nuns are singing amazingly beautiful and clear. Their voice are absolutely wonderful.

I was thinking to take a picture or two but I was afraid that this church is a sacred place and no cameras are allowed. So I'll be just keeping the pictures in my mind...

The church wasn’t that full, allowing people to have spaces on their seats. I noticed this man who wears a medium loop silver ring on his left ear, his style was like an Italian mafia on the movies; wearing leather jacket, jeans, and boots; and his earring is a plus. He can be a mafia or anything, but he was crying all over the mass! Yes he was, I can tell from his sobbing and blobbing red-eye of him. Nobody cared though. People were busy with their own prayers (and problems). That’s what I like of going to church outside Indonesia; people respects to one another, nobody would care if you are crying or sobbing in the mass (as long as you don’t do it in extremely annoying to others), and you will be given space for you and God to communicate. I love staying longer to pray after mass which I can’t do it in Indonesia otherwise people will start to think what kind of sins you have made so you have to pray longer in church. Haha.

This mass had finished in 45 minutes and I walked back to Campion for lunch.

After lunch I decided to walk to the Yarra Bend garden nearby, I was planning to walk to the river as well but a bit afraid of getting lost so I just sit in the gardens for a while and back again to Campion. I entered my room with mixed feelings. I wanted to pray but felt empty. I wanted to read the scriptures but felt no energy for it. So I took one book from the shelf and flipped over it until I stopped on the page that caught my eyes. It was about the Our Father prayer, the one that Jesus taught us to pray. Praying or singing the Our Father is one of my favourite part in the Eucharist.

Our Father is the most powerful prayer of all times; it consists of seven petitions follow in short rhythmic phrases:

Hallowed be Your Name
Your Kingdom come
Your Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our debts
As we also have forgiven our debtors
And do not bring us to the time of trial
But rescue us from the evil one

The first three are of God: Your Name, Your Kingdom, and Your Will. The second four are of us: Feed Us, Forgive Us, Lead Us, and Deliver Us. The first set fills us with faith, hope and love. The second set seeks nourishment, forgiveness and deliverance from evil. Together the seven petitions are a model of our relationship with God. We conclude the prayer with Amen.

This great book which had opened my mind and heart for a simple Our Father prayer, The Gospels for Prayer - is composed by Michael Hansen, S.J., who also a spiritual director, retreat leader and author of other religious books.

~*~*~

When the dinner time came, I was surprised that Campion team had prepared a birthday cake for me. It was a small creamy tart with my name’s written on the serviette, and it was the most wonderful birthday tart ever. All the retreatants were singing ‘happy birthday’ to me and I just couldn’t help but tearing in my eyes. I might be away from family and friends but I know God is always so close that He celebrated my birthday in this place. I had never felt so full with God’s love before and I know that I’m coming to the right place and in the right time.

My firm intention of being in this retreat was to seek God’s will for me. Some said that God’s will for us is hidden deep inside our heart and by the time we know ourselves more we should know what God wants from us. I can’t deny that, and I do believe on those sayings but I need a help to find myself, that is, God’s will for me.

And I know this retreat is the help for me.

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange for it.
~ Anynomous

(As for the seven-day rosary, the mysteries for tonight are about the Teaching from Good News, Be Faithful and Trust in the Lord, Children of God, Lazarus is brought to life, and Jesus the Way to the Father)

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
“God enters by private door to every individual”
~Ralph Waldo

Each of us is born as a unique. Nobody does exactly the same, even twins. So do what you want to do, as long as it is in the right way according to God. Don’t imitate other people, don’t try to do something just to please others, and don’t judge others just because they are doing something that you might think is useless or nothing. Do what you are passionate about, for passion is worth 80% of your success and the other 20% is the potential. Passion + Potential = Purpose.*

* Quoted from Bo Sanchez’ Seminar.

I hope I can find my purpose for this life

Readings of the day:
o Psalms 23:6. I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life; and your house will be my home as long as I live.
o Matthew 6:25. “This is why I tell you: do not be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn’t life worth more than food? And isn’t the body worth more than clothes?”
o Matthew 7:7-8. Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”
o John 4:1-42. Jesus and the Samaritan Woman.


Sources:
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Hansen, Michael, S.J. The Gospels for Prayer. Ave Maria Press, Inc., United States of America, 2003.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.

Day O*N*E Here I am, Lord

Located only 15 minutes driving from Melbourne CBD, Campion Retreat Centre in Kew is as beautiful as I expected. I was greeted by Ms. Marlene Marburg, my spiritual director, who also wrote me a lovely welcome letter. My room is #21, next to the rear door to the labyrinth and gardens. The view is fantastic as well. Perfect.







This is my fourth retreat so far. My first one was when I was in the 6th grade, the second was during my high school time, and the third was about nine years ago when I was in the college. My decision to join this retreat came up only a month ago. So I rushed searching on retreat centres in Australia, booked an airline ticket, reserved hotel (I still have to stay in hotel for some days though), called a shuttle bus from/to airport, reserved Campion for my retreat, got all the confirmations, and done. Thank God I still have my Australian visa valid.

I did plan many things during this retreat. A seven-day rosary, lectio divina, and personal prayer in the chapel were only some of them. I also have to see my spiritual director tomorrow at 9.30AM, Monday at 10.15AM and Wednesday at the same time. I am actually a bit blur this very moment, maybe because this is the eve of my big birthday and I don’t know what to do next. But let’s just see la.

~*~*~

I met another retreatants on the dinner. We had a big chunk of pink salmon and generous amount of chips, fresh raw veggies were also served. I don’t know how the chef made that creamy merinque tart for the desert but it’s sooo yummy. After dinner, a group of Redemptorist Vietnamese Priests were also coming. They are very lively, laughing and joking most of the times. If I hadn’t knew that they were priests I probably assume that they were just some guys.

As I walked on the corridor back to my room, I was feeling a bit lonely. This is the longest holiday of my own, I had always been with family or friends on vacations. Well, I did go to some places by myself and I also live alone in Singapore for these last couple of years, but those are different I think. I did mix this holiday with a skiing trip to Mt. Buller and shopping fiesta in Spencer St. later on. So I must say to myself that this’s going to be a wonderful time for me! Yay!


The seven-day rosary that I’m going to say tonight is about The Sorrowful Mysteries. Today is Friday, so every Fridays and Tuesdays and also everyday during the Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday, the said rosary is about the process of The Crucifixition of Jesus. The five mysteries for Sorrowful Mysteries are: Agony in the Garden, Scourging at the Pillar, Crowning with Thorns, Carrying of the Cross, and The Crucifixition. When in Singapore, I always say the rosary in English because it is said usually before the weekday mass together with other parishioners, but when I’m alone I always say it in Indonesian and I have this wonderful pocket book of seven-day rosary (Indonesian edition) to company me along the way. Hope I can finish it for the whole seven-day! I did plan to read more scriptures after the rosary but I just can’t help my eyes so I decided to just finish it and have some sleep.

Tomorrow is a big day.

♪♪“... Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart.”♪♪

~~~***~~~

Review of the day:
“We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.”~Mother Teresa

Being alone in a strange place - far away from the place that you wished to be, isn’t a nicest moment in your life, but if you had decided to do that or probably stucked in that very moment - don’t look back, move on... enjoy your loneliness. Breathing slowly in silence, and listen... as God knocks very slowly most of the times.

I’m praying for my retreat to be succeed. For whatever the result is or what am I going to be after this, I know that the only thing I must do these days is to ‘let go and let God’

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
I am only human
I am just a woman
Help me believe what I could be and all that I am
Show me the stairway, I have to climb
Lord for my sake teach me to take one day at a time

One day at a time Sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from you
Just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do
Yesterday’s gone Sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine
Lord help me today show me the way one day at a time

Do you remember when you walked among men
Well Jesus you know if you’re looking below
It’s worst now than then
Cheating and stealing, violance and crime
So for my sake Lord teach me to take one day at a time

Readings of the day:
o Mark 14:38. And He said to them, “Keep watch, and pray that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
o Luke 9:23-24. And he said to them all, “If you want to come with me, you must forget yourself, take up your cross every day, and follow me. For if you want to save your life, you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my sake, you will save it.”
o Matthew 6:19-21. Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Sources:
o Duchane, Sangeet. The Little Book of Mother Teresa. Barnes & Nobles, Inc., Singapore, 2004.
o Good News Bible with Deuterocanonicals, Today’s English Version. Philippine Bible Society, Manila, 1992.
o Lelen, J. M., Rev., Ph.D. Pray The Rosary. Catholic Book Publishing Corp, New Jersey, 2002.
o London, Larry. Doa Rosario Tujuh Hari, Berdasarkan Kitab Suci (Edisi Bahasa Indonesia). Penerbit OBOR, Jakarta, 2003.